Exiting Lodebar
by calladragon
Summary: What could possibly happen turning their lives inside out and upside down when Jane pulls a disappearing act leaving Lisbon to track him down? *Repost.*
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer for the Entire Story**: I do not own The Mentalist, receive no compensation for my fanfics, and no copyright infringements are intended. All rights belong to Bruno Heller and associates for creating this wonderful show.

*****Please know this was written around Jan/Feb of 2010 so a lot has changed in the series since then and in the Lisbon/Jane relationship. While I reserve the right to edit the story and make any subtle changes I see fit, I will NOT rewrite it to reflect ANY events that have taken place since my story was originally written. This is simply an edit and tweak. Thank you for understanding.*****

Lodebar roughly translated means "land of nothing." It's the definition I like the best. ~Calla

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No one had seen or heard from Jane in three days. It wasn't like him to fall completely off the radar though he had been known to vanish for brief periods of time. However, he wasn't hiding in the attic or lurking in any of his usual haunts. Lisbon knew. She'd checked them over and over again.

Jane hadn't answered her calls or responded to her voice mail. He hadn't popped up at an inopportune moment like he usually did. He hadn't sent an email saying he wasn't coming in. Yes, he'd done that before. Actually, he'd had a friend of a friend do it for him, the charming jerk. That was the rub.

Jane knew she liked to know where he was and what he was up too. She liked having reasons to expect the mountain of complaints inevitably crossing her desk. She liked not finding herself in the dark. She didn't like surprises. Not where her consultant was concerned. At her wits end, she'd finally finally intimidated his latest change of address out of the temp hanging out in HR this week. Address in hand, she was currently tracking him down.

Parking her SUV in a guest parking space, Lisbon whistled appreciatively under her breath. It was a nice complex. A whole lot nicer than the place she lived which was saying a lot. The condos were spacious and well appointed. Jane had serious cash stashed somewhere to move here. Lisbon should know. She'd dated a lawyer living on the fifth floor for a while until he'd moved back east a few years back. Nice enough guy, just no more into the long term than she'd been at the time.

No more than she still was for that matter. It was fun while it lasted. From their infrequent communications, Paul hadn't stopped playing the field while she'd married her job somewhere along the way. Probably about the time a certain consultant joined her team. She'd always been dedicated; but, adding Jane to the mix added new meaning to diligence.

Hopping from her vehicle, Lisbon pressed the lock button and closed the door before heading across the parking lot to the front entrance. She wasn't just waltzing through that lobby to the elevators. She'd have to pass security first. She already knew that. As she approached the entrance, she was surprised to see a familiar face still manning the desk.

"Hey, Crocker, long time no see." Lisbon leaned against the counter prepared to flip her badge if necessary.

"Look what the cat dragged in. How you doing, Teresa? I never expected to see you again. It's been what, three or four years?" The man gave her the once over appreciatively.

"Something like that. I'm doing good." Lisbon smirked at the thought the man was still recklessly nervy to openly size her up like that.

"Ever hear from Paul?" Crocker moved papers around his desk.

"I get an email every once in a while. He's doing well. Still chasing every skirt in town, but he's having a blast doing it." Lisbon rolled her eyes at the thought he'd still be patting the nurses' bottoms at the old folks' home when he was 90.

"I always said you were too good for that scoundrel." Crocker scowled disapprovingly. "The good news is you were way too smart to fall for his sweet talking ways."

"Yeah, I guess I was; but, it was fun while it lasted. Crocker, I need you to call Patrick Jane and let him know I'm coming up. I'm sure you already know his number." Lisbon fiddled absently with a lock of hair as she gathered her thoughts.

"You're not involved with that one?" The man had always been a little too nosey for Lisbon's comfort; incredibly nice and likable, but too darned nosey.

"Not hardly." Lisbon's tone clearly conveyed she wasn't that dumb.

"Good. He's pleasant enough; but, trouble with a capital T." Crocker observed.

"Don't think I don't know it. He's my consultant so you could say I'm here on business." Lisbon thought she saw pity in the other man's eyes.

"I'll give him a call and tell him you're coming. Jane's in 325 in case you needed to know. He stole the place. Old lady Shipton croaked three months ago and her greedy kids wanted to dump the place as fast as they could. He probably didn't pay half what the joint was worth." Crocker rattled off absently as he looked up Jane's number.

"Crocker, did you tell all of Paul's business the way you're telling Jane's?" Lisbon resisted the urge to laugh as she hoped he had.

"Hey, we're old friends and the man works for you. Figured you'd like to know what's going on. Besides, who do you think told him to contact the broker before the place even hit the market? That Jane tips really well." Well enough he'd given his wife the best anniversary celebration they'd ever had and still tucked some away for a rainy day.

"Really? Must be a recent change of habit." Lisbon tucked that tidbit away for future reference.

"Your man had his eye on old lady Shipton's place for a year or more. Everyone knew the old bat would kick the bucket fairly soon. She was older than dirt and mean as a demon. Soon after I met him, I knew Jane would eventually snag it for a song. I've never seen anyone play people the way he played those spoiled, greedy brats. Had them eating out of his hand from the start and the papers signed ten minutes later. It was the smoothest move I've ever seen and working here I've seen a lot." Crocker chuckled at the memory.

"I bet you have, Croker. Good seeing you again. Give me a five minute head start before you call Jane." Lisbon reluctantly turned in the direction of the elevators.

"Scared he'll duck out on you?" That sounded like something Jane would do.

"He might try." Lisbon admitted.

"He might at that. Don't be a stranger." Crocker pitied the attractive brunette having to bring that one to heel. He'd always thought there was something slippery about the man. He was too handsome and charming for his own good.

"I doubt I could be with Jane living here. Catch you later." Lisbon had a feeling she'd be seeing Crocker more often than she wanted…especially if Jane continued the disappearing act.

"Yep." Crocker watched the elevator doors close behind her as he reached for the phone.

Fancy that, seeing the good looking lady cop after all these years. She was still as trim and pretty as ever. He figured he'd never see her again after she'd dumped that womanizing lawyer she'd toyed with for a while. Not that the lawyer had done any womanizing while he'd been dating Teresa Lisbon. Nope, she was it as far as Crocker knew and he'd have known otherwise. As strange as it seemed, she was the only woman ever having that effect on the man.

It was also kind of funny the slick corporate lawyer had returned back east within six weeks of the lady cop breaking up with him. It had always been obvious to Crocker the lawyer liked the lady cop more than the lady cop liked him. The Chief of Security had found it kind of amusing Paul Hayden was finally getting a taste of his own medicine. He had a reputation for being a love them and leave them cad. He'd definitely gotten his comeuppance with that one. Crocker just hoped the lady cop was smart enough not to tangle with Patrick Jane. He had a feeling she wouldn't walk away unscathed from that one if she did.

Exiting the elevator, Lisbon walked down the hall stopping outside of number 325. Hesitating, she steeled her nerves before reaching up to rap forcefully against the door. She knew Jane was in there since she'd seen his car in the parking lot. That being said, he'd better not try the old 'nobody's home' trick. It would only make things that much worse.

Nope, the door was opening so it seemed Jane was willing to play.

"Lisbon." By the frosty tone, Jane was none to happy to see her.

"Jane." Lisbon ignored his displeasure.

"Lisbon." Jane wasn't giving an inch.

"I see Crocker called you." Lisbon tried to peer over his shoulder curiously with little success.

"Yeah, I guess he did." Jane blocked her view with his body.

"So?" Lisbon was getting exasperated.

"What are you doing here?" Jane asked as though she had no reason to bother him.

"What do you think?" As his boss, Lisbon had every reason.

"I really don't know." Jane wasn't that stupid. He wasn't stupid at all.

"No one's seen or heard from you in three days." Lisbon stood staring at Jane.

The man was going to be a stubborn jackass today of all days. She could already tell and, truthfully, she shouldn't have expected anything different. Well, she had her stubborn jackass kicking boots on today. If he continued in the vein he was starting, she'd just have to kick him really hard before it was over.

"I'm a grown man, Lisbon. No one has to see or hear from me for three days." For a moment Lisbon thought he was going to close the door in her face.

"Jane, if you close that door I'm standing here poundomg on your door until you let me in. Do I make myself clear?" The look on Lisbon's face said. 'Try it.' She was in a very persistent mood.

"Perfectly." Jane stared down his nose at his boss.

"Are you going make me stand out here all night pounding on your door? I don't think your neighbors will appreciate the noise. Knowing you, I seriously doubt you're all that popular now. You'll be even less so when I finish." Lisbon promised.

After a long day of dealing with Hightower and the powers concerning the questionable actions of a certain annoying consultant, she really wasn't in the mood for Jane's bull. Lisbon simply needed to know the man was okay before she turned around and drove much farther back across town than she wanted to go after driving much farther than she'd wanted to drive to get here. That was all.

Once she got home, she had big plans for tonight. Big plans she'd anticipated all week. Big plans she couldn't wait to get started on. Big plans consisting of a date with her cd player and her favorite take out while sprawled on her comfy couch in her mercifully Jane free apartment.

This was just an inconvenient stop along the way; but, a necessary one. Lisbon was ensuring a member of her team was fine. That was all. It was her responsibility as Senior Agent. It was certainly nothing more than she'd do if Cho, Rigsby, or Van Pelt had fallen off the face of the earth for three days. Not that any of them would ever be so inconsiderate. Nope, this was a stunt only Jane would pull and she knew it.

Lisbon allowed her mind to wander while Jane made up his mind. Once she got home, she was drawing a hot bath, stripping naked as a jaybird, and indulging in a long, exotically scented bubble bath. There was nothing like a long fragrant soak in a darkened candle lit room with soft music playing in the background to wash the felons from her brain. Somewhere along the way she'd savor a bite or two of her favorite chocolate and a glass of that absurdly expensive Cabernet she'd picked up on sale a couple of weeks ago. Beyond that, she was going to wash more than Jane out of her hair. Her vices were few and far between. She intended indulging every last one to the fullest tonight. She might even paint her toenails that decadently glossy shade of red.

"I would never do that, Lisbon. Of course you're welcome to come in." Sighing in resignation, he opened the door and motioned her in with a flourish.

Jane's reluctance was a palatable thing. Walking through the opened door, Lisbon found herself standing in the foyer while he shut and locked the door behind her. She couldn't help the soft whistle of admiration escaping her lips. She'd known the condo was bigger and nicer than her apartment, but not this much bigger or nicer. For whatever reason, it was a lot nicer than Paul's place had been. Maybe it was the décor that was so uniquely Jane. The condo was quite large and had at least two large bedrooms, but probably three. Lisbon resisted the urge to smack Jane out of jealousy. While her apartment was nice, she'd always wanted a place exactly like this.


	2. Chapter 2

Juneaux: Thank you for the reviews. They're deeply appreciated. I like your name and here's your second chapter.~Calla

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"Nice place none of us knew you had." Lisbon looked around her. From what she could see, it was a very nice place. Jane had impeccable taste from what she was seeing.

"I couldn't keep sacking out at the CBI indefinitely and I didn't figure you'd be thrilled if I kept showing up on your doorstep every time you turned around. If I had to get a permanent place, I might as well be comfortable. I've done the other and it gets old fast." Oh, yeah, he'd definitely done the other and then some.

Lisbon hadn't known exactly where he'd gone when he'd stopped tormenting himself with that other place they never mentioned. Were the truth known, probably to some seedy roach motel inhabited by old carny friends. At least she hoped he'd done something like that. It would certainly make sense. Or he could have rented a place. She honestly didn't know. Jane visited her. She didn't visit him.

Besides, she knew he still had friends and acquaintances inhabiting the fringes she would never know existed much less ever meet. Not that there was any reason she should. It wasn't like their interactions were anything but intimately casual. Though contradictory terms, both perfectly described the nuances of their unusual relationship.

Jane had sacked out on her couch more than a few times over the past several months when he'd shown up on her doorstep more wild-eyed and broken than usual. His appearance not so unexpected, she'd sensed the inner turmoil he hid so well. Lisbon had silently pulled him into her lair recognizing his desperate need for innocent human contact. She'd known her silence was the proper response to his sudden appearance. The comfort was in her presence, not in any words she could say. She'd known as well that she was the only person he would ever seek out this way.

Their ritual never varied. The knock against her door was whisper soft as though giving her the chance to pretend she never heard the summons they both knew she listened for. Lisbon opened her door, always, to find a battered man on her doorstep bearing a shattered look in his eyes that sliced like a machete's blade across her soul. It was a look stirring feelings she should never feel. Not for Patrick Jane.

She'd silently open her door, lead Jane into her den, and disappear to fix the much needed cup of tea. When she returned Jane was always stretched out on the couch with his eyes closed visibly more at peace than when he'd arrived. She'd touch his hand wordlessly signaling her return knowing they'd talk later, after his tea. For the moment the companionable silence was what he craved and Lisbon was happy to give it.

The talk always came later. After the pillows and blankets from the linen closet. It was nothing too deep. Just a simple exchange of pleasantries between companions refusing to acknowledge the blood covered elephant in the room. Occasionally, they'd watch one of the chick flicks Lisbon denied owning with her dying breath until Jane finally drifted off to sleep with his head on her lap. She'd then carefully extricate herself without disturbing his slumber, cover him with blankets, and meander off to her own room satisfied the man was getting a few hours of much needed sleep.

On rare occasions she couldn't resist, she'd drop a light kiss on the messy golden curls treating him like the child he sometimes seemed. She'd swear he smiled now and then; but, that wasn't possible. The man was in a deep sleep. He couldn't possibly know what she'd done, could he?

The routine never varied. Jane was always gone in the morning before she came downstairs to the heavenly aroma of a freshly prepared pot of her favorite brew and a delectable treat from her favorite bakery down the street. A peace offering left behind in silent gratitude for allowing such disruptions in her life. Shaking her head, Lisbon never attempted denying the silly smile that always curved her lips at the first bite of that still warm pastry. If nothing else, she appreciated his 'thank you' ritual.

What she didn't appreciate was her inability to catch Jane before he left and she'd tried several times. She didn't mind the impromptu nocturnal visits they never mentioned in the light of day. She really didn't. She'd do the same for any friend. Besides, he was an entertaining guest and surprisingly considerate for Patrick Jane always leaving her home neater than he found it. What was there to complain about really? The disruption of the life she didn't have?

Jane watched Lisbon walking around his living room absorbing the smallest of details. There was a hint of a smile on her lips. She was pleased he'd taken such a small step towards normalcy after all these years. She'd be greatly disturbed if she knew the truth behind his actions. He'd not bought this place for himself. He didn't even intend to be here that long if truth be told. Everyone knew he was living on borrowed time. He was going to kill Red John in cold blood or die in the trying. There could be no happily ever after for Patrick Jane.

Watching her staring out the elegant third floor French doors to the courtyard below, Jane knew Lisbon's hands itched to throw open the glass and walk onto the balcony beyond. That his boss loved everything about the place was clearly written on her face. That she'd turn that third bedroom into her cozy little library/office wasn't as much of a secret as she thought. He'd known of her secret desire for a very long time. That she liked his new home was good. It was very good since the place belonged to her, or would, when something untoward happened to him as they all knew it must.

Lisbon would never know that little tidbit, not until his attorney presented her with the neatly drawn up documents to that effect. Then, she'd learn she not only possessed this place outright but most of his considerable assets as well. What Lisbon chose to do with his ill-gotten gains was up to her. He wouldn't be around to care anymore whether he was locked away in jail or six feet under.

Hopefully she'd accept the condo as graciously as it was offered even if she turned the rest of it down. Lisbon was an independent woman used to providing for herself. Jane had always respected that about the woman. However, she'd accept the condo regardless of her pride. She wasn't selfless enough to kick a gift horse in the mouth. Her apartment was warm and inviting; but it was nothing like this place.

Lisbon definitely deserved better if for no other reason than she'd put up with him longer than expected. He'd see that she had it even if in a roundabout way. It was the least he could do for all the aggravation he'd caused the woman over the years. Jane had chosen this place and all the furnishings with Lisbon in mind. Oh, he'd done the place to suit himself. He wasn't that selfless. But, he'd put a few touches here and there uniquely Lisbon for enjoyment. It seemed he'd accomplished his goal better than he'd intended. He should have. He was Patrick Jane.

"So it was time for a change?" It was past time in her opinion; but who was she to comment?

In spite of her words, Lisbon couldn't go there in her mind. She knew where he'd once spent too much of his time. She didn't know if he still did. Better yet, she didn't want to know. But, she suspected he might occasionally and that was a little too creepy even for Jane. God knew he could get strange enough as it was. He did not need any help in that department.

"Yeah, something like that. This place will do in a crunch." Jane knew what Lisbon was thinking and didn't bother to correct her.

Truthfully, he hadn't been _there_ in a long time. Long enough he would be overwhelmed by guilt if he allowed himself to acknowledge it. Good thing he was good at dodging the truth when need be. This was one of those times though he'd pay down the road. Even he wasn't foolish enough to believe he could escape paying for his transgressions forever.

"It would do for me. You've done a nice job with the place." Lisbon gave him that much.

The condo was much larger than one person needed and exquisitely furnished right down to the decorative details she'd never bothered with at her own place. Truthfully, while she could see Jane all over the place, she could see herself in certain bits and pieces. Maybe she'd steal and idea or two when she got the time to make her own place just a touch homier. They both knew it could use a little help here and there.

While her place was bright, pleasant, and comfy it looked exactly like what it was: a workaholic's home. It lacked those special little touches Jane had gone to great lengths to incorporate. The most inviting place in her whole apartment was the well worn, wallowed out spot in her comfortable couch. It was where she always snuggled down with her big bowl of popcorn to watch those chick flicks on a lot of lonely Saturday nights. All part of the familiar bubble bath and movies routine she'd established years ago helping keep her sane. What a sad commentary on her life to date.

"Nice to know my taste meets with your approval." Somehow, Jane's tone was anything but complimentary.

"Cut the crap, Jane. We both know this is just small talk. Yeah, it's a nice place and you've got good taste; but, where have you been for the past three days? None of us have seen or heard from you in 72 hours. You haven't returned any of my calls and you didn't call in. That's weird even for you." Lisbon dove right in with both feet.

"I've been right here. We haven't had a new case in a while so I'd have just been asleep in the attic any way. I decided why bother." Jane stated bluntly.

"Why bother? What if we'd gotten a new case?" Lisbon blinked at him in open disbelief.

"You'd have left a message and I'd have called you back. We both know that. Stop trying to make this a bigger deal than it is." The whole conversation was becoming a nuisance.

"It is a big deal, Jane. We were worried about you. I was worried." Lisbon admitted.

"No need. I've just been pondering the meaning of life, my life. At the moment there really isn't any."

He'd driven several hours to the beach, chased a few gulls, and walked on the pier. He'd thought about a handsome man with charming ways and a silver tongue. A man who'd had it all. Oh, yes, he'd had a lovely wife, a beloved child, a happy home life, more money than he needed, and a manageable amount of fame.

He'd been content even if his wife had wanted him to forsake the very thing providing all of that. He'd even dabbled in working with the police here and there. What more could a man like Patrick Jane want? A fulfilling legitimate life built on a sustainable con. He had every confidence man's dream.

Then he'd opened his mouth and watched everything disappear in a river of blood and splatter. He'd been trekking thorough Lodebar ever since with no hope of restoring balance. A dead man walking through borrowed time.

"Shush, Jane, your life has meaning. You help a lot of people." His current funk was worse than she'd thought.

"That fairy tale might work for you, Lisbon, but it isn't enough for me." Jane resisted the urge to smack some sense into her. Not that he was a smacking around kind of guy. He just wished St. Teresa would see the dark sometime. Besides, Lisbon would just pull out her gun and shoot him. He'd deserve it, too.

"It's all either of us have at the moment so it has to be." Lisbon said exactly what he expecting.

"Keep telling yourself that, My Dear, you might actually start believing it. Your sad little life is almost as desolate as mine." Jane knew he was treading thin ice.

"My life is fine. Besides, we're not talking about me. We're talking about you." One more remark like that and she might smack him.

"There's nothing to talk about. I needed a break and I took one." She really needed to stop being so dramatic.

"That's all there was too it?" He'd never pulled a stunt quite like this before so she doubted it.

"Yeah, Lisbon, that's all there was to it." Jane stared her down.

"Why don't I believe you? You haven't spent the past three days wallowing in self hatred have you?" Lisbon really didn't want him to answer that.

They'd had another potential Red John incident a few days ago that hadn't been Red John at all. Just an over-zealous rookie seeing serial killers where there was only childish pranks gone awry. No-one had died. No one had even gotten hurt but the ex-boyfriend, and just his manly pride. The smiley face hadn't even been real blood just some concoction he'd mixed up in his basement with corn syrup and food coloring using instructions off the internet. The kid hadn't even known who Red John was or anything about him. He'd seem something on the news in passing and thought it might serve his purpose. He'd just been trying to scare his ex-girlfriend into coming back to him and failing miserably. The whole fiasco was over in a matter of hours.

"Patrick Jane, do not tell me that thing with the high school kid set you off again. I've just spent all day trying to clean up your latest mess. I'm so not in the mood to deal with tormented Jane at the moment." She could see that was exactly what had happened by his demeanor.

Anything smacking of RJ sent Jane into a downward spiral. He'd spent the last three days entertaining himself with a pity party of self-loathing. He'd probably even visited _that_ place they never talked about. He might have spent the night there in the shadow of death if the truth were known. He'd been known to do that on occasion in the past. Lisbon sighed in resignation. She wasn't going anywhere any time soon. Not until she got rid of that haunted look in those beautiful eyes.

"Then go home, have a drink, and indulge in that bubble bath that's been calling your name all day. Once you feel human again, call that nice attorney who slipped you his number last week. The night is still young. Who knows, your life might not be as desolate as I think." Lisbon resisted the urge to slap him silly.

"You did not just go there. My personal life is none of your business, Jane. Totally off limits, got it?" She growled.

"I went there all right and I think I'll visit for a while." Jane growled back wishing she'd just leave him in peace already.

"Jane." Lisbon's right foot was tapping dangerously.

"I think you should go home, get cleaned up, make yourself pretty, not that you aren't attractive at the moment, but you know what I mean, get a little more girlie and a little less cop, call that nice attorney and invite him out for a drink. Things might get interesting. You never know." Those stubborn jackass kicking boots were getting the urge to kick a certain stubborn jackass up one wall and down the other.

"Jane, just shut up and fix me a drink. You're so out of luck. I'm not going anywhere any time soon. As for the other, stay out of my private life. You're the last person I'd ask for dating advice." Lisbon's look clearly conveyed he was being a pig headed jerk.

For the record, she wouldn't touch that sleazy lawyer with a ten foot pole much less ask him out for a drink. The man probably had a wife and twelve children living in an igloo in Alberta he wasn't supporting and would deny existed even if she had the marriage license and birth certificates in hand. She was just going to pretend Jane hadn't suggested she invite that scumbag out on a date or worse.

"I don't have any of the hard stuff. You'll have to settle for a glass of wine instead." Jane had a cabinet full of the hard stuff; but, he wasn't offering her any.

He didn't want Lisbon having a drink or two for the road as tired as she was. The way things were going, that was bound to get worse before the evening was over. Though he knew she could hold her liquor and hold it well, he didn't want her taking any changes. He'd also known exactly how she'd react to his suggestion she call that bottom feeder of an attorney. He hadn't really wanted her to go regardless of how he'd felt initially and he knew such an outrageous suggestion would only make her stay.

"Get over yourself. I'm staring at the hard stuff right over there but I'll take that glass of wine instead. Merlot if you've got it and not the cheap stuff." She'd break his hand if he tried that one with her after all the crap he was pulling tonight.

"I've got it." He had a nice, relatively expensive bottle he'd been saving for the right occasion.

"Hey, Jane, you know I only drink wine with pasta." He might as well feed her since he'd ruined her evening anyway.

"Is that your way of inviting yourself to dinner?" He should have seen that one coming.

"Yeah, I guess it is." Lisbon didn't bother denying that was exactly what she meant.

"Fine. It'll take me a while to throw something together. Why don't you make yourself useful and chop up a salad. The stuff's in there." Opening the refrigerator, Jane gestured to the vegetable crisper before pulling shrimp and fresh herbs from the shelf. "The bowls are in that cabinet by the fridge and the knives are in the block on the counter." He gestured absently as he unwrapped the shrimp.

"I can do that." Lisbon walked across the room.

Removing the salad fixings from the bin, she began putting together a salad while surreptitiously watching Jane peel shrimp before expertly chopping onions and garlic. He measured a cup of good dry white wine from a bottle obviously used for cooking and set it aside. In a matter of minutes he had water boiling for the pasta and the Shrimp Fra Diavolo sauce simmering in the pan. Everything smelled delicious. Somewhere along the way he'd even managed to get home made garlic bread toasting in the oven.

"Hey, Lisbon." Jane turned slightly.

"Yeah, Jane?" Lisbon took a sip of her wine as she watched him taste the sauce before adding a pinch of salt and a few more red pepper flakes. It was quite excellent. Not as good as the bottle waiting for her at home, but still quite good.

"I'm glad you stayed." She was pleased to see that look in his eyes had diminished. It was still there, but not as strong. Before the night was over, maybe it would go. Maybe it would stay away for good.

"So am I, Jane," Somehow cooking with Jane was turning out to be more enjoyable than she'd thought. It was actually quite a pleasant experience. It was much more pleasant than spending the evening soaking in a solitary bubble bath in her lonely apartment on a Friday night. "So am I."


	3. Chapter 3

Taking a sip of wine, Lisbon leaned against the railing of Jane's balcony. She was just starting that second generous glass of wine she'd never finish being cognizant of that long drive home once the evening was over. All in all, they'd enjoyed a delicious dinner of Shrimp Fra Diavolo with linguine, salad, and crusty garlic bread accompanied by a full bodied merlot. The conversation had been deliberately neutral over the course of their meal. No cases, no RJ, and no snide remarks about his disappearing act though Lisbon had bitten her tongue a time or two. She was still put out with the man. Good food aside, he'd ruined an evening she'd been anticipating all week.

As it was, they'd shared a few laughs and some amusing anecdotes. Including how Lisbon used to date the attorney living in the condo directly overhead two floors up. He'd been a bit of a bounder where the ladies were concerned. Actually, he'd been more than a bit of a two-timing jerk. Not with her; but, Lisbon had heard the stories. And, noting the wandering eye, she'd known it was only a matter of time so she'd kept their relationship exactly what it was: a pleasant distraction never going anywhere.

In the end, they'd simply drifted apart. Lisbon had refused to commit and he'd refused to wait. In the midst of it all, she'd received the first of several promotions and he'd received a job offer he couldn't refuse. Oh, Paul would have turned it down if he'd thought there was a ghost of a chance she'd marry him. Lisbon had known she wouldn't. Paul had eventually left and she didn't regret it. He'd have eventually cheated and that would have been all she wrote.

Lisbon smirked at the thought they'd both known more serious conversation would follow; but, for the moment they'd chosen to keep things light.

Not only had Jane proven a talented cook, but a charming host as well. There were still depths to the man she'd never seen and would probably never see before their association came to its anticipated unhappy end. She was saddened by that thought for some reason and had decided to come out to the balcony while Jane loaded the dishwasher at his insistence. He'd promised to join her as soon as he was finished. The view was every bit as fantastic as she'd thought it would be. There were twinkling lights as far as the eye could see.

"Here." Appearing behind her, Jane reached around Lisbon to top off her glass before setting the now empty bottle aside.

"Trying to get me drunk?" Lisbon smirked at the absurd nature of her comment.

"I suspect it would take significantly more than a couple of glasses of wine to accomplish that, My Dear, but if I were would it matter?" The devilish grin hinted at shades of the old Jane. He was slowly equalizing back to normal for him. Lisbon was glad.

"I suspect you're right and we're so not going there." Lisbon didn't even realize there was a smile on her face as she took another sip of wine.

She was startled when Jane tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear but managed to stop herself from responding before instinctively pulling away like a startled doe. Generally speaking, she wasn't fond of casual touch. She really didn't like casual touch from Patrick Jane. It made her want to touch him back in ways she really shouldn't. Lisbon didn't stop to contemplate that one. Like so many things concerning Jane, she really didn't want to know. Things were safer that way.

"Whatever you say, Lisbon, whatever you say." Sinking into one of the patio chairs, Jane took a sip of his wine. "You like it here."

"Yeah, I do. It's a nice place, quiet and peaceful. The view is lovely." Lisbon admitted.

"It is a nice place and the view is lovely. It's not so quite during the middle of the day." They sank into an easy silence they both knew could never last.

"It's not your fault you know. What happened to them." Lisbon's voice was quiet in the starkness of the night as she decided they'd danced around the elephant in the room long enough.

"It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't opened my mouth. That feels like my fault to me." Jane reminded her.

"What you said didn't make that maniac do what he did. He wanted to do it. That makes it his fault." Lisbon rejoined.

"What I said made him target me, target them. They'd still be alive if I'd never opened my mouth." There was no getting around that truth.

Jane would still have had his family and his comfortable life if he'd kept his mouth shut or if he'd exited the con when Angela asked him to. That's what he liked to believe. It was the way the fantasy always played out in his head. Even if his marriage had fallen apart down the road, his wife and daughter would still be alive. He'd still be able to see them occasionally. That was the one thing of which he was sure. Angela would never have denied him access to his child. No matter how much she disapproved of what he was doing. She wasn't that kind of woman.

"You don't know that. Red John was looking for a worthy opponent. You weren't exactly hiding under a rock. There's a pretty good chance he would have found you anyway. That he might have still targeted them. Jane, they might still be gone if you hadn't said a word." Lisbon reminded him of the truths he liked to deny.

"While that might be true in some alternate universe, we'll never know will we? Because I did open my mouth, they're gone, and he's still targeting anyone I care about. Even a few I don't." That Red John always would remained unsaid.

"We're going to stop him, Jane. I don't know exactly how or when, but he's going down." Lisbon promised.

"Yes, he is. There's no 'we' to it. I'm going to find him and chop him to bits. Then I'm going to turn myself in." Jane closed his eyes as though savoring the thought.

Lisbon didn't believe he could do it, but Jane knew he could. All he had to do was imagine what was done to his wife and daughter and he became another man. That man was very capable of doing that one horrible thing. He definitely was.

"That's not how it's going down. I'm going to stop you and I'm going to stop him. The best case scenario is he'll go to jail. The worse case he'll end up dead." Lisbon wasn't sure which she preferred.

The idea of a serial killer trapped in a tiny box for the rest of his life confronting his own mortality or the idea of planting him six feet under. Truthfully, she'd take whichever came first. The one thing she did know was Jane wasn't killing the man in cold blood or getting killed in the trying. He wasn't spending the rest of his life behind bars as Red John's last victim awaiting his fate. Saint Teresa had worked too long and hard to save Patrick Jane from such an ignoble end. She wouldn't fail now.

"You can try to save me, Teresa; but, you can't. I was lost a long time ago. Just let me do what has to be done and accept my fate with grace." Jane still hadn't opened his eyes.

"Not going to happen, Jane. You don't always get what you want. Sometimes there are people around as determined to stop you as you are determined to succeed." Lisbon sat her now empty glass by his half full one on the table.

"Don't waste your time, Lisbon. I'm not worth saving. Anything remotely redeemable died years ago in a splatter of blood and gore. Just accept the truth. We'll both be a lot happier if you do. I'm a dead man walking and have been for a long time now." Jane turned startlingly flat eyes to her. It was as though the light had finally snuffed out in his soul.

"That's not true and we both know it." Turning away from him, Lisbon refused to acknowledge the nothingness she'd just seen.

She watched a shooting star blaze across the sky. Jane had come a long way in all of the years she'd known him. There were times when she still wanted to kill him; but, for the most part those times were few and far between. He'd not gotten her reprimanded or suspended in a commendable amount of time and he was liked by her team. They worked well together in spite of his unorthodox ways. Jane had actually seemed to be doing better, seemed to have stopped pulling away from them, until this latest setback of a week ago. Now it seemed like they were back to square one.

"Saying it's not true won't make it so." Lisbon sensed, rather than saw, that Jane had risen to his feet to stand beside her. "You can't bring a dead man back to life, Teresa. That spark is long gone though thanks for trying." There was a thread of regret and sadness she'd never heard running through his voice before.

"I'm not sure about that." There was still that small spark of hope.

A dead man couldn't regret what he couldn't have. Couldn't desire what he'd never had. Or be sad about what could never happen. Jane obviously wasn't as dead as he wanted to believe. And who was to say what would be?

"I am." He hadn't felt truly alive for years.

"If you are, then you won't mind this." Lisbon silenced the protesting voices in her head.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Lisbon refused to allow reason to override insanity. Rising on her toes, she pressed her lips against Jane's doing exactly as she'd wanted for a very long time. Neither of them was entirely surprised when his arms encircled her or when he returned her kiss with more ardor than a dead man could possibly possess.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I'm respecting the guidelines of this sight and my own natural tendency to rely more on insinuation than explicitness. While there is nothing particularly graphic here, there is sex. ~Calla

#

After proving he was definitely not as dead he thought, Lisbon allowed Jane to lure her into the one room she'd yet to see. Oh, she'd pulled a Jane and checked out the other two bedrooms on her trip to the ladies room but she'd not been able to open the door to the sanctum sanctorum. His bedroom was blatantly off-limits which was probably as Jane meant it to be.

Lisbon smiled at the thought he'd not lured her here with tales of fabled sketches; but, rather plied her with wine and kisses. Not that any of that had been necessary. She was more than ready to follow where he was ready to lead. She wouldn't have opened that door if she weren't. Tonight had been a long time coming.

"You've got to be kidding." His mildly surprised voice unpleasantly penetrated her uncharacteristically sappy thoughts.

Jane's fingers stopped mid-button. Conservative, professional CBI Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon was wearing the most provocative bit of beribboned red lace and silk he'd ever seen beneath her serviceable black button down. He'd never have pegged her for a sexy underwear kind of girl. He must be losing the old Jane touch; at least where Agent Lisbon was concerned. Then again, he'd never spent much time contemplating his boss's underwear. The creamy skin underneath, maybe. The other, not.

"What were you expecting, Jane? Plain white cotton? I haven't worn cotton anything since I got out of high school." Lisbon couldn't halt her laughter at the stunned look on his face.

Jane swallowed audibly on that one. He wasn't sure exactly what he'd expected. He just wasn't expecting this. Not that he'd ever expected to see Lisbon's under garments in the first place. Not that he hadn't ever gone to the forbidden zone in his mind because he had but that didn't mean he ever expected to go there in fact. Fantasy and reality were two very separate things that were never meant to meet. It now seemed worlds better left apart occassionally collided with mind numbing repercussions.

"Nice lingerie, Lisbon." A little ribbon on the candy box for his tastes, but it Lisbon's assets very well.

"I'd say that's an understatement looking at your face." Leave it to Jane to get side tracked by her underwear. She could really pick them if she had to say so herself. "Hey, Jane, if you like the bra you're really going to like the panties. Which, by the way, you're never going to see at the rate you're going."

"I'd rather see what's underneath to be honest." Lisbon blushed at the toothily salacious grin. Leave it the rat so-and-so to one-upper her when she was on a roll.

"Then stop dawdling and get a move on." Her wish was his command.

Lisbon didn't stop Jane from unbuttoning her black slacks and removing them. In fact, she helped him with a few wiggles along the way.

"You call these panties?" Jane's eyebrow shot to his hairline as he drew the silky wisp of nothing down well toned legs. "If I'd known that's all you were wearing under those conservative black pants, this would have happened a long time ago. Probably on your office couch one of those late nights when everyone was gone and you were keeping me awake cussing at my latest pile of complaints. It would certainly have been more fun than watching you complete all that stupid paperwork you insist on doing."

"Dream on, psychic boy. That isn't happening. Not on my couch or anywhere else at the office." Lisbon busted his bubble rather firmly.

"Lisbon, there's no such thing as psychics." Jane reminded her.

"And you'd never seduce me over a meal." Right, that was exactly what he'd done.

"The meal was over long ago and I wasn't the one seducing." Maybe he had a point there.

"I keep trying but it seems all you want to do is talk." The banter was deceptively light but the undercurrents ran deep.

Keeping her tone calm, Lisbon conveyed her understanding without saying a word. As much he wanted this, as much as he wanted her, as much as his body indicated the truth of his desire, Jane wasn't so lost in the moment he was oblivious to what he was doing. To the betrayal he was contemplating or to the guilt. The struggle was clearly written across his face.

What he'd done on the balcony was a far cry from what they were contemplating here. Kissing her and touching her was light years away from actually taking her to his bed…to having his body within her and on her so intimately. To the two becoming one. Taking his face in both her hands, Lisbon kissed Jane with understanding.

This was the moment when everything could fall apart and they knew it. They were both shattered in different ways…seemingly resilient; yet, unspeakably fragile in so many ways. They were creatures of unspeakable darkness and redemptive light both having seen too much. This was a moment to be delicately handled for both their sakes.

"Take your time, Patrick. I'm not going anywhere." The lightness of her touch was reassuring.

"No, Teresa, I don't suppose you are. There hasn't been anyone since…you know." Far from dead, his eyes reflected the conflict raging in his soul.

"I know." Lisbon couldn't look away though she wanted too.

"I don't think there could be…except maybe you." He'd not wanted to make that confession.

"I know." Her fingers linked with his. She'd always known.

"Do you?" Somehow, he thought she did.

"Yes, Patrick, I do." Her fingers caressed the line of his cheek.

She understood better than he would ever know. Better than she could comprehend in the natural world. Lisbon had never been this agonizingly a part of another human being. Not like she was with Jane. She'd never seen through another's eyes the way she was seeing through his now and it hurt. She felt flayed raw by the emotions swirling so uncontrollably throught the room.

"I don't know if I can do what needs to be done." Lisbon accepted the honesty of the answer for what it was and not as a reflection of her desirability.

"I'll help if you'll let me." A part of her couldn't believe what she was saying. The other part reminded her this was Jane.

"I certainly won't stop you. I certainly won't tell you burying my body yours isn't what I want more than anything at this moment because it is. More than you will ever know." He couldn't get past the almost tangible wall blocking his actions. That damned red smiley face kept getting in the way.

Taking matters into her own hands, Lisbon knew what they both needed. Unlike Jane, she was capable of doing what had to be done without guilt or remorse. She didn't have the specters of a dead family holding her back. She wasn't constantly hounded by red smiley faces in her dreams. She had demons of her own; but none of those. Jane didn't resist when she pushed him down on the bed or when she quickly divested him of his pants and underwear. He seemed content to let her complete what he couldn't.

Straddling him, Lisbon caught Jane's eyes. Staring into her eyes, his hands skimmed the contours of her cheeks flowing over her neck and chest cupping the fullness of her breasts. Her body tightened pleasantly at his touch. Jane obviously wanted this as much as she did and that made everything all right.

Jane's eyes closed in pleasure as her hand curved around him. At her firmly coaxing strokes. Guiding him to her entrance, Lisbon's eyes closed as well as she slowly sank down on him giving her body time to accommodate his size. It had been far longer than she cared to admit since she'd been intimate with anyone. Since she'd desired anyone except this man. Lisbon's eyes opened at the feel of his hands encircling her waist. From the spark in his eyes, any thinking Jane was doing at the moment had nothing to do with his brain. A soft laugh escaped her lips. For a dead man he was getting pretty lively down there.

"You okay?" It seemed they had safely navigated the moment of no return.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Maybe not quite as dead as I thought." There was a hint of that familiar smirk on his lips.

"You think not?" Lisbon quirked an eyebrow at the ludicrousness of his remark.

"I think not. What do you say I take it from here? You okay with that?" Lisbon had worked a miracle. She'd made the damn smiley face disappear for a while and he intended to ensure they both enjoyed it.

"Yeah, Jane, I'm okay with that." Lisbon admitted.

She couldn't bring herself to call him Patrick when she was more comfortable with Jane. When it was all she could do not to dissolve into a puddle of mirth at the sweetly preposterous moment shimmering through the darkness of this night. As though she wouldn't be all right with him assuming the dominate role. She didn't always want to be Lisbon to the rescue. Sometimes she wanted to just be the damsel in distress.

Contrary to the masculine trash talking around the water cooler, Lisbon didn't usually demand to be on top. As if any of them would know. Only in their dreams if they did. Not that she'd turn the opportunity down with the right partner, but it was never a demand. Even she wasn't that pushy in bed. Lisbon smiled as she ran her hands through Jane's silky curls. Who'd known all it would take to stick the great Patrick Jane back together was some silky red under drawers, a little bawdy banter, and some good old fashioned vanilla sex.

She laughed out loud as Jane expertly reversed their positions. On second thought, maybe vanilla wasn't the right word choice. It might have been a while and there might have been some issues to kick through, but he'd certainly not forgotten the mechanics of what they were doing. There was definitely nothing vanilla about that little move. If Jane continued the way he was going she might let him back on the playground a few more times. Oh, yeah, definitely more than once if he continued that thing he'd just done. She could guarantee it.


	5. Chapter 5

Opening her eyes and stretching, Lisbon wasn't at all disconcerted to find herself waking in a strange bed. She knew exactly where she was and who she'd spent the night with. She remember everything they'd done. She was, however, a little disturbed to find herself alone. Where was Jane? Catching a whiff of a pleasant aroma, she had some ideas. She was almost willing to bet good money he'd fallen asleep on that monster couch soon after making her coffee.

Tossing back the sheets and throwing her legs over the side of the bed, Lisbon stood up and looked around for something to wear. Apparently Jane had hung their clothes in the closet as they weren't on the floor where they'd strewn them last night. They hadn't been particularly neat at the time as they'd been preoccupied with more interesting pursuits. Deciding she wasn't in the mood to dress, she grabbed Jane's shirt from the hamper and slipped into it before fastening a random button or two. Shuffling into the bathroom, Lisbon did her business, washed her face, and brushed her teeth with the toothbrush she always carried in her purse. Combing her hair, she decided she looked presentable.

Walking down the hall she glanced into the den not at all surprised to see Jane asleep on the couch. Silently padding over to drop a kiss on his forehead, she resisted the urge to run her fingers through his hair and headed for the kitchen instead. He was resting so peacefully there was no reason to wake him. Using the CBI mug he'd swiped from the office left on the counter for her, Lisbon prepared a steaming cup of coffee from the coffeemaker, grabbed a bear claw from the box, and made her way out on the balcony. She was learning to love Jane's place, especially first thing in the morning.

Taking a sip of coffee from the steaming mug cupped between her palms, Lisbon gazed out over the courtyard. She didn't stop to ponder why Jane had her favorite brand of coffee by his coffee maker or her favorite pastries still warm in the box from the local bakery. She didn't even contemplate why he had a coffee maker at all. The man drank tea. It really didn't matter. Though it was barely daybreak on a Saturday morning, several people were already jogging and walking their dogs. Lisbon laughed softly at the antics of a couple of nut hoarding squirrels as she leaned against the railing of Jane's balcony enjoying the peace.

"You look comfortable." Jane appeared with the familiar cup of tea in hand.

"I am. Hope you don't mind." Lisbon gestured to the largely unbuttoned man's shirt she was wearing that smelled so deliciously of Jane.

"Nah, it looks good on you." Jane briefly acknowledged he'd like to fasten another three or four buttons for propriety's sake; but, man, was he ever enjoying the view of long legs and feminine curves.

"Thanks. I'm not going to apologize." Lisbon knew the only person getting an eyeful given the angle she was standing was one obviously appreciative Patrick Jane. She'd skipped the panties though she was a little embarrassed by that because the red would have stood out through pale blue. She'd just have to remember her vulnerabilities. Not that Jane seemed to mind.

"I don't expect you to. It takes two to tango, My Dear. I was a willing participant in our little dance." Once he'd gotten started, he hadn't wanted to stop. Actually, he hadn't. Not until they were both too tired to move.

"I instigated it." Lisbon's tone was far from apologetic as she savored another sip of coffee.

Something about this coffee tasted better than it usually did. The bear claw had too. Maybe it was her frame of mind, or maybe it was the fact she was anywhere other than home, and she was anything but alone. Or more likely, it had to do with being quite thoroughly loved as she hadn't been in a very long time. There was something about an exhausting romp that naturally improved her frame of mind.

"While you may have made the first move, I certainly didn't turn you down." Jane pointed out yet again. Lisbon was adroitly sidestepping the issue he was trying to raise.

"No, you didn't." Lisbon agreed.

"It's okay, Teresa, it really is. I'm not running away." He tried yet again cycling between calling her Lisbon and her given name though it was obvious which he was more comfortable with.

And he wasn't. He'd only left for a little while to pick up her favorite coffee from the market on the corner and those ridiculous bear claw thingies from the bakery across the street. He'd been gone twenty minutes tops. She'd still been happily drooling on her pillow dead to the world when he'd returned to take up residence on the couch in front of the news. He must have dozed because she'd been sipping coffee on his balcony when he'd roused a short while later to make a cup of tea.

"I didn't expect you to." Lisbon calmly stated the blatant lie.

"Yes, you did." Jane forced Lisbon to look into his eyes. "Someone's always run from the intimacy in your relationships. Sometimes it's you, but usually it's them. You have deplorable taste in men."

"Shush, Jane." Lisbon pulled away from his hand. She so did not want to go there. "I suppose you're a better choice?"

"In some ways, yes, in others decidedly no; but, in my defense I am still here." She had to give him that. Jane was definitely still here in all his golden haired a sticky burr on the bottom of her shoe. "You know you're marked now."

"We both know I was marked before." Lisbon didn't pretend to misunderstand. "Anyone you care about is."

"Or anyone who cares about me." Though it hadn't seemed possible for the man to look any more tormented, it was, and he could. "He's out there somewhere watching. Like a coiled tiger waiting to spring when we least expect it."

"You know how to stop a coiled tiger mid-spring?" Lisbon stretched delicately arching her back like a languid cat before bringing her foot to rest on the metal railing.

Jane's eyes followed the hem of his shirt as it slid dangerously high on her naked thigh. They both knew what she had on under that shirt, absolutely nothing. He'd seen that lacy scarlet wisp of nothing she called underwear still laying where he'd tossed it last night before he'd tucked it in a drawer. Not that it covered much anyway. Jane hoped none of his nosey neighbors were peeping out their windows catching tantalizing glimpses of his Lisbon's creamy white skin. The unexpected thought shook him to his core. When had he started thinking of her in that way? They'd had a chance encounter. She was hardly "his".

"No, Lisbon, I'm afraid I don't." Jane answered honestly.

Taking a good look at him, Lisbon was pleased to see he was wearing slacks and a shirt. He'd shirked the jacket and vest somewhere inside or never put them on in the first place. Rather surprisingly, his feet were bare, too. That was a bit of a shocker. But, he looked nice. What else was new? There was always something pleasant about unpleasantly rumpled Jane so why wouldn't casual Jane be at least as appealing? Lisbon would have blushed furiously had she seen the hungry expression flickering across her face.

"You shoot him dead dog dead." Jane involuntarily recoiled from the fierceness in her eyes.

He'd seen Lisbon mad before. He'd even raised her blood pressure dangerously high a few times himself; but, he'd never heard quite that tone in her voice or seen that look in her eyes. This was a very dangerous woman who would easily kill without care or conscious. It was a woman he wouldn't want to cross.

"I believe you do." He said.

"Yeah, Jane, I do. It's a promise." Lisbon finished her coffee and set her mug aside. "What do you say we give him something to really sink his teeth into?" Lisbon took a prowling step in Jane's direction.

Not sure how he would react in the light of day, Lisbon refused to back down. Jane had reacted quite well several times in the darkness of the night. Her body was pleasantly tender in places it hadn't been tender in quite a while and she liked it. Wrapping her arms around Jane's neck Lisbon rose on her tiptoes to capture his lips with hers. She couldn't help smiling when she felt his arms wrap around her as his hands came to rest on her bottom preventing that wayward shirt from rising past an acceptable level of decency.

Apparently no one but him was going to catch a glimpse of her delicately rounded bottom. Not that they should, but at the moment she didn't really care if they did. She knew she would definitely care later when the heat of the moment cooled. But she didn't now. Lisbon smirked slightly when Jane not only didn't pull away but deepened their kiss. She hadn't been sure he had it in him.

Swinging her up in his arms, Jane stopped only long enough to gracefully close and lock the French doors behind them with one hand. Forget the air of weakness and ennui the man employed so well. He was deceptively strong and sleekly muscled and he had a mind like a steel trap. When he applied that mind to certain areas of expertise, Jane could make her purr like the satiated cat she resembled so early on this fine Saturday morning. Lisbon could attest to all of those facts.

Oh, yeah, there was more to the man than his pretty face. Burying her face in his neck, Lisbon smiled as he carried her up the stairs and carefully deposited her on the bed like a precious treasure. Jane was definitely much more than the wimpy weakling he led people to believe. While a useful tool of his trade, she definitely preferred the man standing before her now. The one fully capable of taking charge away from her.

"I won't break." She gently reminded him.

Jane seemed determined to be a gentleman when that was the last thing she wanted. She'd have to quickly dissuade him from that stance. Sometimes a hint of edginess wasn't a bad thing. It could be quite stimulating.

"I know you macho lady cops like it on the rough side, Teresa; but, I refuse to toss you about like a sack of discarded potatoes. You'll have to get one of your other boyfriends to indulge those masochistic tendencies. It's not my style." Jane informed her.

"Shush, Jane." While she might have entertained the thought a time or two; she'd never actually used her hadn cuffs. She might change her mind with Jane if he continued his present vein of talk. He was starting to get annoying.

"I saw that eye roll, Lisbon. While our styles might be a little different, I get the job done. In fact, I think I've more than proven I can give you what you want or you wouldn't have invited me back for seconds." It was more like fifths, but who was counting?

"You're awfully sure of yourself." Lisbon egged him on. Arrogant, jerky Jane was so much fun to torment not to mention as sexy as they come.

"I am where you're concerned." He was.

Lisbon felt his fingers unbutton her shirt, actually his, with practiced ease before he lifted her to slide the offending garment off her shoulders. She couldn't help laughing as the shirt sailed across the room. Somewhere along the way Jane had shed his shirt and was in process of shedding the rest of his clothes. Lisbon watched his pants land in a pile on top of her shirt before Jane's lips found that spot on her neck that made her toes curl.

"Maybe you have reason to be." If she were a dog, Lisbon knew her tail would be wagging. Oh second thought, make that a whole body wag. Maybe she already was.

Feeling his teeth scrape lightly against that sensitive spot in the curve of her neck, Lisbon acknowledged Jane might have some rather pleasurable little masochistic tendencies of his own. He could bite her any time he liked as long as he did it like that. Lisbon moaned as Jane sank into her pliant body. Who needed boring foreplay when you had a naked Jane in your bed? Technically she was in Jane's bed, but she wasn't quibbling over details… Not when he was doing that.


	6. Chapter 6

Nursing her cup of steaming coffee, Lisbon acknowledged she felt like crap. She must be picking up that bug making the rounds from the top of the CBI to the bottom. It was a nice friendly little bug that made you nauseous and generally left you feeling yuck. She could forego breakfast, but not her morning coffee. No matter how much it made her stomach churn. That daily dose of caffeine was a necessity. She couldn't function without it. It was her addiction and she was sticking to it.

Lisbon allowed her mind to flow back over the last couple of weeks. Van Pelt had caught the thing last week and Rigsby the week before. Fortunately, it didn't seem to last that long. Only Cho and Jane had managed to escape its vile clutches thus far. Cho would probably catch it next. Recognizing one of its own, the virus would probably leave Jane unscathed. Oh, well, the show had to go on. The boss couldn't call in sick so here she was staring at a mountain of paperwork she didn't feel like dealing with. At least her other half was off consulting with another team so she could sulk in her office in peace.

Speaking of her other half, the shift in their relationship hadn't caused the world to tilt on its axis as she'd feared. Jane had dealt with Hightower and the powers that be in private quite effectively it seemed before they could deal with them. As per their secret agreement, there were no public signs of their private life at the office and no changes in their daily routine. They remained the same effective crime solving machine with the highest solve rate at the CBI they'd always been.

Lisbon was proud that the team and their performance hadn't been impacted in any way by having Jane in her bed. She wasn't sure they could pull it off; but, they had. It was just business as usual around the office. He still got on her last nerve and she still reacted. He still made her cuss a blue streak and inanimate objects fly. Occasionally she winged him much to Jane's chagrin and her delight. As if that was going to change because they were sleeping together. Hah.

There had been an incident or two around the water cooler since the news of their whatever-you-wanted to call it became known. People were people. They just couldn't keep their mouths shut about things that were none of their business. Jane had stumbled across a raunchy little conversation in passing that had almost come to blows. He'd quickly put an end to the slander with a few scathing words underscored by a wicked threat and a promise. Nobody talked about his woman like that and got away with it. The word quickly circulated that Patrick Jane was no one to trifle with. As if they'd been stupid enough to believe that in the first place.

Rigsby had done the same in a similar situation. He was big enough to make anyone think twice before taking him on. As for Cho all it took was a withering glance to silence the harpies in the break room early last Thursday morning. He'd given them a little well deserved heart burn to go with their greasy croissants and coffee. Van Pelt had been spared the gossip so far and Lisbon was a master at ignoring the b.s. with a smile. She wasn't a tough lady cop for nothing. Let them talk. If they only knew the truth far surpassed fiction they'd swallow their forked tongues. She wasn't about to tell them.

Surprisingly, the team seemed fine with their relationship. Seemed happy they were together in fact. They were even willing to go to bat for them when the need arose as they'd already proven on several occasions. Though Lisbon didn't know it, Rigsby, Cho, and Van Pelt were all delighted with their change in circumstance. They'd known it was going to happen eventually. They'd even indulged in the CBI betting pool to that effect. In fact, Lisbon thought Cho had collected a substantial sum not too long ago. Apparently, their relationship had been a long time coming and the change was good. Both of them seemed more whole together than they had apart. They were certainly happier.

As for the couple themselves, it wasn't all smooth sailing but they kept the waves out of the office. Not that either of them expected it to be. Jane still struggled with his demons and Lisbon still fought the urge to abandon before she was abandoned. They spent more time at her place than his as a rule. It was closer to the office during the week. Her apartment had become more warm and inviting as a result. Jane had seen to that. Weekends were usually spent at Jane's place under the amused eyes of Crocker. Lisbon had fought the desire to deck him when he'd remarked, "Just business, huh?" upon seeing them holding hands the first time. That Crocker saw entirely too much.

What Lisbon didn't like was those times when Jane became distant. When he disappeared without a word when she least expected it. He'd show up at work and go through the motions; but, Lisbon knew he wouldn't be home that night. Not that night or for several nights after. He wouldn't reappear on her doorstep looking the worse for wear until he'd worked things through. She'd see him at work to reassure herself Jane was reasonably functional though they'd remain heartbreakingly distant. While none of the drama was apparent to their co-workers, Lisbon felt the difference. What a sad little commentary on both of their lives that they were such masters at hiding their emotions when need be.

Where Jane went in those dark moments, Lisbon had no idea. Not to his place she knew. Crocker had confirmed that. Maybe he went to that other place. The one he still hadn't gotten rid of but she prayed he would. The place they never mentioned that was always haunting the fringes of their existence…that horrific place where he loitered under the shadow of death. If that was true, she didn't want to know. That was a reality she couldn't handle. To be perfectly honest, she was just grateful Jane always returned home.

Lisbon visibly started at the thought. She hadn't just told herself that had she? That wasn't really how she felt? God help her. When had she started thinking of home as anywhere Jane was? That was one scary realization. She needed to have her head examined. Yeah, they spent more time together than apart and they were comfortable. They were having fun. Maybe a little more; but, it wasn't that serious. Or it wasn't supposed to be. Not with him. How had she let herself get in this deep? This was so not supposed to happen. Not with anyone, but especially not with Patrick Jane. Leaning back in her chair, Lisbon closed her eyes.

If she'd thought she was nauseous before, it was nothing compared to what she was feeling now. Reaching for her trashcan, Lisbon barely made it in time. She could already tell she was in for a hell of a day and there was nothing she could do about it.


	7. Chapter 7

Lisbon had been in her office all day with the blinds drawn and the door shut. Not locked, just uninvitingly shut. Even Jane knew better than to cross that imaginary line in the sand without invitation. He'd spent most of the day seemingly asleep on the couch in the bullpen though, in reality, he'd been observing the inner workings of the CBI. Gracie was surprisingly pretty with her face scrunched up in concentration as she worked at her computer. Rigsby was such a big wimp gazing longingly at her from across the room like a love-sick puppy. Cho was wrapped up in a case instead of a book for a change and Hightower's administrative assistant wore her clothes much too tight.

She was a very attractive girl that Adrianna, but her judgment was sorely lacking. Abrams in Counterfeiting would be more inclined to notice her, had noticed her in fact though not in a polite way, were she less inclined to resemble a tightly wrapped sausage with the majority of her considerable assets spilling forth for one and all to see. He really must find the moment to give her some friendly advice. A little tweak here and there and she could reel Abrams in. He'd make it a point to corner her at the first reasonably private opportunity. They'd already engaged in a little friendly conversation on more than one occasion.

Under the guise of studying a new case file and following up on leads, Lisbon had her lunch delivered in along with a caffeine laden soda. Cho had taken the boxes and another file into her office when they arrived. From the smell of things, it was probably Mexican for a change. Since they hadn't exited for an hour and a half, they must have discussed the files over lunch. When Cho had finally left Lisbon's office he'd returned to his desk, made a few follow up phone calls, dug through a different set of files for a while, and finally left around six. Both Rigsby and Van Pelt shut everything down and left a few minutes after together but not together. Two hours later their fearless leader was still ensconced in her cave.

Unfolding his body from his couch, Jane departed the attic where he'd retired a couple of hours earlier to go in search of Lisbon. It was past time for her to leave. She needed a respite from that tedious case. She needed to eat. And she needed a good night's sleep. Especially since she'd caught that nasty virus going around a couple of weeks ago while he'd been on loan to Jackson's unit and had yet to fully get over it. She needed to let him take her home to rest while he cooked dinner. She had to be so exhausted by now that it was hard to function. Even Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon burned out every once in a while. Especially given the hours they were all keeping.

Not stopping to knock, Jane turned the door knob surprised to find it wasn't locked. Lisbon was standing in the window staring through the half open blinds. If he hadn't known better, he would swear she'd been crying. Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon did not cry. Not over anything and not for anyone. Locking the door behind him, Jane walked across the room and engulfed her in his arms.

"What's this? You're crying." Jane wiped the tear from her cheek with his thumb.

"Yeah, I guess I am." Lisbon didn't pull away as expected. Lisbon wasn't into casual touch even from him. Even after the intimacy of the past few weeks. She just wasn't a touchy feely kind of girl. He'd have to get to the bottom of that one another time.

"You never cry." Jane rubbed his hand soothingly down her back while she leaned against his chest.

"I've never been pregnant before." The hand stopped its downward stroke as he froze at her words.

"How far along?" Jane wasn't breathing.

"Pushing eight weeks." Lisbon could hear the mental calendar clicking in his head.

"It's mine." Jane was breathing again.

"Did you doubt it?" There was a hint of amusement threading through the hard edge in her voice. She'd obviously been expecting a different reaction than the quiet acceptance she got. Maybe a bit of the infamous crab walking he was so good at.

"What do you think?" He felt Lisbon relax against him.

Surely she hadn't though he would believe otherwise? Again, she obviously had. Jane wasn't sure if that was a reflection of her opinion of him or the other men who had been in her life. He was surprised he didn't like it either way. What he did know was the woman in his arms. She was not free with her favors and she hadn't been as long as he'd known her.

"I guess we just slipped into that mythical one percent." Her voice was muffled against his chest.

They both knew she'd been taking birth control, not because she'd had any need until recently because she hadn't. She'd just noted the subtle changes in their relationship over the last few months and decided better safe than sorry. She'd known how she felt and she'd sensed the growing attraction between them.

While neither had been sure how he'd react when that day came, a sexual confrontation of some kind had been brewing for a while. It was undeniable. While jumping Jane, or attempting too, might be inevitable, lasting repercussions weren't. Or so she'd thought at the time, and obviously thought wrong. This was so not supposed to happen. She'd been much too careful.

"Does this really surprise you? We're talking about us." The slightly mocking lilt of amusement colored his voice.

"Since you put it that way, no, I guess it doesn't really surprise me." It honestly didn't as Jane was involved.

"How long have you known?" Jane hoped what he believed was true.

"I haven't been keeping secrets from you, Jane. I got the call right before Cho left my office." She'd had to fight to keep the shock off her face.

Jane wasn't about to ask how she'd managed to keep a straight face in front of her right hand man while getting that kind of news over the phone; but, she obviously had. Cho's demeanor hadn't indicated anything but business as usual so she'd not told him. That also meant she'd gotten the news about four hours ago. No wonder he hadn't seen her in a while. From the tears, she'd obviously been having a difficult time dealing with it since.

"How do you feel about it?" Jane still had his arms loosely draped around Lisbon anchoring her against his chest.

"How do you think?" Lisbon peered up at him.

"I know how I hope you feel; but, I honestly don't know. If I did, I wouldn't ask." Jane stared back at her.

"I'm shocked and I'm scared. I don't know exactly what I'm going to do now." His grip on her arms tightened almost painfully. "You can let go of me, Jane. I'm keeping it. That thought never even entered my mind." His grip loosened perceptively.

"Then it's not what you're going to do now, Lisbon. It's what we're going to do." Jane informed her.

"You don't have to be involved. I don't expect anything from you. It's my fault we're in this mess in the first place." She was the one who'd come on to him first.

"As I said before, it takes two to tango and I was definitely involved in that tango and every one since." Willingly he would add.

"What are you saying?" Lisbon asked.

"That's my kid in there, Lisbon." Jane's hand came to rest over her stomach. "There's no way in hell you're doing this alone."

"I can handle this, Jane. It's not like we're in a committed relationship. I don't have the right to expect anything from you." Nor did she expect anything.

"Oh really? I haven't been with anyone but you since my wife. What about you?" Jane's tone was snippy.

"You know the answer to that." Lisbon wanted to slap him for asking that.

Yeah, he did, because he'd been in her bed every chance he'd gotten since that first unexpected tumble either at his place or hers. They'd even managed to make the place more lived in over the weeks of their non-relationship. For one thing, there were now two spots wallowed out on her couch instead of one. Two very comfortable spots shaped like them.

"Then it sounds pretty committed to me." Jane pointed out.

"Jane, stop it. I know you're not ready for this." Lisbon cut to the chase.

That was the bottom line and they both knew it. It had nothing to do with commitment. They'd both been as committed as anyone could possibly be since this whole thing started, near inseparable in fact. If one ignored Jane's impromptu disappearances as Lisbon did.

"Maybe not at this precise moment, I'm not. That doesn't mean I won't be once I get used to the idea. Lisbon, you've just blindsided me with something I never thought possible. Give a man a few moments to gather his thoughts." Jane pled his case.

"Yeah, I guess I have." She'd been rather blindsided herself.

"Lisbon, I've been a father before, and a very good one if I say so myself. My daughter was a happy, well adjusted little daddy's girl. I must have done something right." Jane allowed memories of happier days to flow through his mind. Strangely enough they didn't hurt nearly as much as they usually did. "I'm not letting you do this alone. This child is my responsibility too."

"I don't want my child to be anyone's responsibility." No child should be a responsibility. They should be wanted and loved.

"It's our child, Lisbon, and I certainly don't mean it like that. Like being with the two of you is something I don't want to do. Nothing could be farther from the truth. A man can't subsist in Lodebar forever. I think the universe just sent the message it's time for me to move out of the desert and into the valley." Removing his arms from around Lisbon, Jane dragged her over sit on her couch.

Sinking down beside her, he took both of her hands in his. By the look in her eyes, he could tell she was confused. He really wasn't doing a very good job of conveying his thoughts. If he were honest, Jane would admit his thoughts weren't that coherent at the moment.

He was too busy trying to reconcile his joy at the news he was going to be a father again with the guilt and condemnation he felt at being joyful this thing that should never have happened had happened in the first place. He was Patrick Jane. His mouth had written a check his beloved family should never have had to pay. Everyone knew the story.

He had no right to be joyful ever again, but he was. He was joyful Lisbon was in his life, and he was joyful they'd made a child together. He was joyful in ways he never expected to be joyful again. He was joyful at being joyful if that made any sense. He was just glad to finally be feeling anything other than blinding pain.

"I don't know what you're saying." This wasn't a Jane she as familiar with.

"I'm saying between work and our salacious little trysts we spend most of our time together anyway. I don't think that's about to change any time soon, especially given the circumstances. It's a little late to kick me out of your bed when you're already caught even if you were so inclined." Which he knew she wasn't.

"Trust me, Jane; I've been so inclined more than a few times since this whole thing started." Her gentle smile took some of the bite out of her words.

"While I don't doubt that, you're still rather fond of me." Jane reminded her.

"I never said that." She wasn't playing this game.

"And I'm rather fond of you." Jane confessed.

"Jane, I'm tired and hungry. I don't have all night so just get to the point." He was confusing her.

"I'm saying we should take it to the next step and see what happens." Lisbon's breath caught in her throat. Not even Jane could be reckless enough to ask that or to think she'd go along with such a preposterous thing. There was absolutely no way she'd consider it.

"What next step?" Lisbon asked.

"Not that, not yet, maybe not ever, I can't answer that one because I just don't know." Jane's thoughts were moving faster than he could process. They never mentioned the golden band that still lived on his finger. Lisbon didn't even allow herself to think about it. It was just that thing on his hand. It was less painful that way.

"Jane." Lisbon demanded.

"Lisbon, I think we should move in together and see how it goes. I'd say my place because it's bigger." Jane offered.

"That's crazy, Jane. We've never even been on a date." She so wasn't moving in with him.

"I didn't know dating was a prerequisite for a relationship. It's obviously not a prerequisite for having a kid." If it was Lisbon wouldn't be pregnant.

"Among normal people it's accepted practice." Lisbon reminded him.

"We're hardly normal people, Lisbon. You're a workaholic cop and I'm a brilliant mentalist, hardly normal people at all. If it'll make you feel better I'll take you on a date. I think that Thai place you like is open late on Friday nights." And it was late.

"Jane, this whole idea is absurd." Lisbon rolled her eyes.

"No, Lisbon, it's not. It's not all that different from what we're doing now. We'll just go to bed together every night and wake up together every morning instead of just several nights a week. It's not that big of an adjustment for either of us." Jane reminded her.

While Lisbon knew she didn't want to go through this pregnancy alone, she wasn't sure about this whole living with Jane thing. Unfortunately, he had a valid point. She just didn't want to live with anyone. Hadn't ever done it and never planned too. She'd gotten comfortable with being alone, not that she'd be alone that much longer anyway.

"Jane, I don't want to let my place go. This might not work." His cautious Lisbon was rearing her aggravating little head.

"Then keep it. I think Van Pelt is looking for a new place." He knew she was.

"You're suggesting I let Van Pelt move into apartment?" That might be a viable solution.

"Let her move in and pay the rent. If things don't work out between us I think you can stand being roomies until she finds another place. It's the perfect solution." Jane agreed.

"Yeah, I guess it is." She wouldn't have any problem allowing Grace to rent her apartment. She doubted her landlord would either. She could vouch for her and he'd like having another cop around the place.

"Then it's a yes?" Jane couldn't believe how easy this way.

"Yeah, Jane, I guess it is." She needed her head examined.

This was Patrick Jane she was considering shacking up with. She'd gone totally over the edge the last few months to fall for him in the first place. It was bad enough sleeping with the man. He was her consultant; but, to get knocked up by him as well? That was inexcusable. She'd deal with all of that later. At the moment she was going to think about moving into Jane's place.

Lisbon thought about Jane's lovely condo and the fact she'd actually be living there. The good sized second bedroom next to the master suite was perfect for a nursery. As for the smaller third bedroom, she was already using it as a makeshift office when she stayed over. She'd turn it into that more permanent library/office she'd always wanted. Thinking about Jane's condo made her think about her old acquaintance Crocker. His only reaction to the obvious change in their relationship had been a raised eyebrow and a smart butt comment or two. Given the nature of the nosy eagle-eyed Chief of Security, he was bound to figure out their secret before anyone else could. She could see him shaking his head and grinning at her cheekily now. He'd told her not to tangle with Jane. She'd obviously not taken his advice. Lisbon fought the urge to bury her face in her hands.

As for her brothers, she could hear them now: 'You're what and the dad is who? That psychic freak you're always griping about? T, have you completely lost your mind?' Oh, yeah, Thomas would have plenty to say about this. James would, too. But it was Peter who'd give her the most grief. He'd torment her unmercifully. They'd never stop teasing her. They'd gang up and make her life hell for the foreseeable future.

Preoccupied with her thoughts, Lisbon didn't protest when Jane dropped a light kiss on her lips. She just wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. It was easier to give in than keep fighting the inevitable. Jane would only win in the end any way. Not that she really minded. He'd make it worth her wounded pride. He always did.

"Jane, we can't sit here kissing all night." The raised eyebrow made her want to smack him. "We are so not doing that at the office so get over it. Not now, not ever. Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it. Giving rain checks?" The man was incorrigible. Lisbon pretended to ponder his question.

"I think that can be arranged. How about that date you promised me? Your kid and I are getting hungry." Lisbon's voice was taking on that unattractive whiney note he'd never heard from her and hoped to never hear again.

"I think that can be arranged." He might as well give in gracefully. He had a feeling that was a mantra he was going to hear a lot in the near future. He'd certainly heard it enough with Angela.

Grabbing her coat, Jane waited for Lisbon to get her purse before following her out the door. He watched her lock the door before lightly draping his arm around her shoulders and sweeping her towards the elevator. They both had a lot of thinking to do on the way to dinner.


	8. Chapter 8

Lisbon stared at the hand gripping hers across the table purposefully ignoring that gold band. Gripping, not holding. Jane had hold of her hand as though it was a lifeline to a drowning man. They'd not ended up at the crowded Thai restaurant after all. They'd settled instead for a cozy little retro dive offering privacy in a back booth and the greasy fries Lisbon suddenly found herself craving. Jane had somehow charmed the smitten waitress into making him tea from her personal stash while Lisbon indulged in a hamburger, fries, and an old fashioned homemade milkshake the likes he'd never seen her eat. Jane had joined her in a burger and fries though he'd stuck with the ever present tea.

"Pulling out all the stops tonight are we, Teresa?" He had no doubts she'd find room for dessert as well before she was done.

"My last hoorah before I have to start watching everything I eat." Lisbon wasn't looking forward to that.

Jane's look said that really wasn't necessary on his account. He wouldn't mind having more Lisbon to love. Lisbon's look said she might be pregnant but she wasn't getting fat. She was a Senior Agent with the CBI and that just wouldn't do. She had to be lean and mean to bring down those criminals and they both knew it. Jane surrendered with a shrug. He couldn't do anything with the woman. Well, obviously a thing or two or she wouldn't be pregnant; but, as for the rest, forget it.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." He watched her shovel a fry in her mouth.

"I did. I am enjoying myself." Truthfully, she was enjoying the company more than the food.

"So am I. It's going to be okay, you know." Lisbon's look clearly said that was exactly what she didn't know.

How could everything be okay? They hadn't even gotten each other right and now they were adding a child to the mix. An innocent little baby being brought into a world of emotionally damaged parents and serial killers wasn't exactly ideal. What had they been thinking? What had she been thinking? She hadn't been, not really. Not with her head. Not past her desire to save Jane from the darkness at any cost even if that meant taking him to her bed.

Not past the flutter his smile put in her heart or the desire unfurling between them. Not past the happiness she felt upon awakening in his arms on those special mornings or the despair she felt upon realizing he wasn't coming home that night. She'd just taken it for granted her trusty little prescription would work. It always had. The universe had gotten the last laugh on that one.

Beyond that, what would Hightower and the powers that be say once the word got out? Their world was definitely going to tilt on its axis. There was no way they'd allow them to stay together. Even if was her consultant and not technically an underling. There was no way they'd allow both parents to be part of the same team. What if something catastrophic happened? What if their child was left alone in the world without either parent?

That she had married brothers able and willing to step in should the unthinkable happen wouldn't keep them together. Not if the top dogs wanted them apart. Lisbon didn't see any way this could work out right. Any way they could stay together as Lisbon and Jane. She didn't see any way this could work if they were pulled apart. Coming home to each other at the end of the day wouldn't be enough given the newness of their relationship and the weakness of their core foundation. Being good friends wasn't enough.

Jane watched the emotions playing over Lisbon's face and read her like an open book. He knew her desires and he knew her fears. He knew what she was thinking down to the smallest detail. He knew things she didn't know. Things he couldn't tell her. He knew things that would keep the powers that be at bay and keep them joined together. He knew they could last through the coming storm for their foundation was anything but weak with a strength forged over time. Lisbon had yet to realize what he already knew. He had yet to find a way to make her see.

That gold band on his finger was far from reassuring his lover; but, he hadn't yet reached the point where he could take it off. Not that she'd asked him too. She would never do that. Lisbon chose instead to do what she was already doing. She would continue to suffer in silence and he would continue to let her. She would continue to pray for the day he would part with the bloody thing that caused her so much emotional pain.

"Is it? Do you really believe that? Everything will be okay?" Lisbon vocalized her doubts.

"Yeah, Lisbon, I do. I'm actually good with all of this." She obviously didn't believe him.

"Are you?" She not only didn't believe him, she thought he was outright lying. He'd lied to her before. He had, but he wasn't lying now.

"Are you going to question everything I say? Yeah, Lisbon, I am. I'm okay, better than okay, with the idea that you're carrying my child." Jane repeated slowly.

"You aren't just saying that?" Lisbon looked him straight in the eyes daring him to look away.

"Teresa, stop trying to give me a way out." Jane's tone was sharp. "I don't want it. I don't need it and my answer isn't going to change. I've had a little while to get used to the idea now so I can honestly tell you that I'm really fine with this. I wouldn't have chosen to have a child now; maybe not ever. But neither of us expected you to conceive. We were taking steps to prevent it. Now that it's done, I'm looking forward to having another child. I'm looking forward to having another child with you." He couldn't make the truth any clearer.

"You are?" Lisbon still wasn't sure she believed him.

"Yeah, I am. I wouldn't be if it was anyone else; but, it isn't. It's you and that makes all the difference in the world." Jane rubbed her hands absently.

He didn't have to worry about this happening with anyone else. He wouldn't have taken them to bed. Or, more accurately, allowed them to take him to bed. It wouldn't have happened. The attraction wasn't there. No other woman challenged him to live again. No other woman was worth the self-recrimination he overcame every day to be with Lisbon. He wouldn't do it. No way.

"Lisbon, I'm not going to tell you I'm not struggling with all of this. We both know that would be a lie. I won't say I'm not as consumed by the guilt and all the malevolent emotions you know I'm feeling, but I'll work through them. I always have and I always will." Where she was concerned that was true.

"Are you sure you can? Work through them?" Lisbon was really being difficult tonight.

Not that Jane blamed her. She'd gotten an unexpected, and not entirely pleasant, bit of news today. They both had. Now she would have to depend on a man who was known to disappear on a whim. Though he always came back that he disappeared at all was unsettling at the best of times and this was in no way that. Especially for a woman who wasn't entirely sure she trusted him not to just disappear for good one day and never come back.

"I don't have a choice, Lisbon. I have to work through it for all our sakes: yours, mine, and his." Plainly speaking, that was how he saw it.

"I guess you do." Lisbon's voice was resigned. "Jane, it's much too soon to know what we're having. My doctors can't even tell." He had to be kidding. She wasn't buying into that. There was no way in hell he could know their child was a boy. Even the great Patrick Jane couldn't pull that one out of his hat.

"What do they know? I'm telling you it's a boy." Jane repeated firmly.

"You know that how? Have you suddenly become psychic?" Lisbon asked.

"Don't be absurd. Psychics don't exist. It's what you want and it's what we're going to have. Take it or leave it; but, you'll find out I'm right in a few weeks." Knowing Lisbon, she'd be hauling a lot of pink girlie things back to the store before she was done.

"You're sure about that?" Having all but raised three brothers, she really wanted a girl.

"Yeah, Lisbon, I am. How much do you want to bet?" Lisbon just rolled her eyes. She was so not going to bet against Jane on anything. She worked too hard for her money to give it all to him. "Don't bother looking at any pink frilly frou-frou stuff or discussing silly little girl names with Van Pelt. It's won't be happening this go around."

"You are so full of it, but whatever." Lisbon was still staring at him dubiously through beautiful big green eyes.

Jane wasn't sure if that was because she doubted him or she doubted the sex of their child. It didn't really matter. He'd work through his issues and the kid was definitely a boy. Lisbon would have to deal with it. He wasn't going anywhere. He was here for the long-haul. She wasn't getting rid of him and he'd just have to prove it too her. Oh, and she'd have to get used to their son.

"I'm not going anywhere, Lisbon. You're stuck with me now, you and the kid." He wasn't going anywhere.

"I think we can handle that, Jane. I really do." Until Jane gave her a reason not to.

Lisbon's eyes swung involuntarily to the hands still holding hers, swinging to that ring. That symbol of everything he'd loved and lost. Of everything he still clung to so tenaciously. She hated that ring and she hated that Jane still wore it. She'd never tell him; but, she did with all of her heart and soul. It was the symbol of everything he'd lost and of everything she could never have. She just hated the thing with an almost palatable hate.

"Lisbon, I'm happy you're in my life. I'm happy about the baby. I'm happy you're willing to give the 'us' thing a shot. Don't ever doubt that because I am."

"I'm glad you're willing to give the 'us' thing a shot too. I honestly didn't expect you to be happy about the rest. I didn't know what I was going to do." Lisbon couldn't imagine coming to work every day with Jane if he'd rejected her or their child. She hadn't even been able to contemplate going there. "I take that back. I knew exactly what I was going to do which is have our child. I just didn't know exactly how I was going to go about doing it without destroying my team." Neither of them was under any illusions who her guys would have sided with had things turned out differently.

"The child you carry is a part of you and he's a part of me. It's a life we created together. How could I not be happy about that? Any man who could is a fool.

That being said, it doesn't mean I believe I have a right to be this happy or that I'm not consumed by guilt over the other. It doesn't mean I'm not ashamed the greater part of me has moved on while they're still gone. Part of me is being eaten alive by remorse, Lisbon; but, the greater part of me is beginning to live again in spite of all the other. I think that part is going to win in the end. I think it's going to win because of you." Earnest eyes captured hers.

"I don't know what to say." He had to know she'd be here. She always had been.

"Don't say anything. Just know in spite of the dark spots, and there will be dark spots, we're going to be okay.

It takes a while for a man to exit Lodebar, Lisbon, especially after all these years. It's not pretty, it's not painless, it's not easy, and it's not going to happen over night when you've been dwelling in the desert as long as I have. All I ask is that you bear with me while I work through what has to be done."

Jane could write a book on the barren desert of the soul. He'd explored every hidden nook and cranny both while awake and asleep through those horrendous nightmares always ending in that bloody smiley face splattered across the wall. Nothing could grow there. Not in the arid sands.

That's what he'd thought until the woman seated across from him had proven otherwise. Until she'd uncovered the slivers of dormant humanity shivering beneath a deep cloak of darkness as far from the illumination as they could get. He'd discovered to his surprise that there were vestiges of life still deeply rooted in what he'd thought the barren wasteland of his soul.

"I can wait." Lisbon was surprised to realize she could, in fact, wait. Both of them could. For as long it took Jane to exit the darkness into the light.

"Thank you." There didn't seem to be anything left to say. Jane lifted her hand to his lips content he'd been given a second chance.


	9. Chapter 9

Still asleep for the most part, Lisbon reached out her hand expecting to contact muscle and skin. She started at feeling her skin slide across silken sheets. Opening her eyes, she sat up quickly to discover it wasn't a dream. His side of the bed was empty. He wasn't there. Feeling her body beginning to shake uncontrollably, Lisbon peered into the early morning light as she listened for any sounds coming from their bathroom. Anything to indicate he was coming back. There was nothing.

She couldn't stop the irrational fear washing through her soul. There had been nothing to indicate he was going to leave. Oh, he'd disappeared for a few hours here and there over the weeks. That wasn't totally unexpected. He'd always returned before too long in better spirits than when he'd departed.

He'd certainly never been gone all night. Not since he'd learned of her pregnancy. He'd been there every morning when she'd awoken to take her in his arms. She'd grown used to their ritual and found great solace in the sameness of their life. Until this morning when she'd awoken to find he wasn't there.

Climbing out of bed, Lisbon slid into Jane's shirt before forcing herself to walk calmly into their bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. She stared at her reflection as she brushed her hair. She was much too pale and drawn. Reaching for her foundation, she applied her makeup with a skillful hand. Going through the motions of her everyday life was helping to keep the panic at bay.

Where was Jane? Why wasn't he beside her when she awoke as he always was? Surely he hadn't left because of the baby. She was having some issues, but nothing that wouldn't right itself. Nothing that her doctors felt was of any real threat to her or to their child. More of a nuisance really from what they'd said. She was being carefully monitored and all was going well.

Lisbon hoped that wasn't the case. The one thing she'd learned over the course of this last month was that Jane was going to be an attentive, loving father. He was crazy about their child and they didn't even know what they were having. He didn't care. He was bursting at the seams to tell the world though he knew he couldn't. She wouldn't let him.

She'd gotten a promise from him that they would wait until the last possible moment to spring the truth on the world. She wanted to do everything in her power to protect their partnership and Jane wasn't going to stand in her way. At the rate she was going, Lisbon would probably make it another two or three months before her condition became impossible to hide. Jane would just have to keep it too himself until she gave him the word.

Staring at herself in the mirror she decided she looked a little better. Her face was washed, her teeth were clean, her hair was brushed and she was wearing a smattering of make-up. Grasping the vanity, she tried to get the shaking of her body under control. She was going to walk out there and get a cup of coffee before going out on the balcony to watch the squirrels. It was one of her favorite pastimes, watching the squirrels. It was one of their favorite pastimes.

Oh, God, let there be a note on the counter saying Jane had suddenly run out to get more tea. She knew that wasn't possible. They had a well stock cabinet filled with every kind of tea under the sun. Or every kind Jane found worthy of imbibing. Gaining control of her run away emotions, Lisbon forced herself to let go of the counter and exit the bathroom on trembling knees. Walking through their bedroom she walked into the hallway and across the den.

A familiar aroma was beckoning from the kitchen. How had that escaped her? She'd been too panicked that's how. That Jane had stopped to make her half decaff was a good sign. Lisbon forced herself to walk into kitchen, claim her favorite mug, and prepare her favorite libation. She'd fix something healthy for breakfast later after her stomach settled.

Coffee didn't seem to have the same effect as food on her morning sickness. Maybe it was just that her addiction overrode everything else. Taking her mug in hand, Lisbon headed for the French doors, her heart pounding in her chest. Opening the door, she wasn't even aware of expelling the breath she hadn't known she was holding upon catching a glimpse of the familiar golden curls.

"Jane." Her voice was a near whisper.

Lisbon exited the balcony to find Jane propped on his elbows, tea cup in hand, watching the squirrels in the trees. From the look of him, he'd been awake for a while though he was barefoot wearing only pajama pants and a tee. It had taken a while for her to get used to casual Jane but she'd grown to find him as sexy as she found insufferably annoying Jane.

"Did I disturb you, My Dear?" He asked without looking at her.

"You were gone when I woke up." Lisbon wanted to take the words back as soon as they tumbled from her mouth.

Though they'd been together for a month with no major mishaps Jane knew she was still anxious and unsure. Unused to what they had and distrustful of what they were building. Four weeks of successfully tiptoeing around each other was in no way indicative of a happy life together. Morning sickness and hormones didn't help. Jane had made it a point to be beside Lisbon when she opened her eyes offering silent reassurance things were exactly as they seemed. Though he still disappeared occasionally he made it a point to be gone only hours, not days, and certainly never over night.

He made it a point also not to be those other men. The ones who hadn't been there when she'd trusted they would be. The ones who'd made her feel she had to be in total control to avoid being hurt. That real intimacy and a certain degree of trust were things to be avoided at any cost. In slowly healing himself he hoped he was healing her.

"I'm sorry, Lisbon, I was restless. I didn't want to disturb you. You haven't been sleeping well." She was tossing and turning a lot.

"It's okay. I was surprised to find you gone." Lisbon answered honestly.

"I wasn't gone. I came out here to watch the squirrels. They're cute little buggers." Jane sipped the last of his tea draining the cup. "Come here, Teresa." Jane sat his empty cup on the table and opened his arms. Engulfing her in his embrace he rested his chin on her head.

"What's wrong, Jane?" Lisbon could sense his unease.

"Nothing's wrong. I just couldn't sleep." She knew he was lying.

"Don't give me that crap. Your heart's racing a hundred miles a minute and you've got that look in your eyes. The one that always hurts me to see." The one she mercifully hadn't seen in a while and hoped never to see again.

"Don't hurt for me." Jane's voice was a cold command.

Lisbon was not allowed to share his pain. He'd never allowed it before and he wasn't about to allow it now when she didn't need the strain. Her pregnancy wasn't without difficulties, nothing serious mind you, but enough he didn't want to add to her burden. Added to that, her job was not without stress as well which was only added to by Lisbon's compulsion to succeed even through her pregnancy. It was impossible to get the woman to relax which was trying on all of them.

"I can't help it. I care about you." Lisbon's voice was muffled against his skin.

"I care about you and I care about this. I care about both of you." Jane's hand came to rest over the imperceptible mound of her tummy. "I just never expected to love you."


	10. Chapter 10

Lisbon heard the silent gasp. He'd not meant to say that. Not to himself and certainly not to her. Not now and probably never. Jane's grip tightened perceptively preventing her from turning in his arms. Lisbon relaxed against his chest instead. She'd give him the time he needed to compose himself. Time he needed to get his rampant emotions under control. She'd also give herself time to figure out the best way to respond. Lisbon felt, rather than saw, Jane gripping her hand almost painfully.

"I love you, too." The confession was so quiet he almost didn't hear the whispered words she'd never admit had he not admitted them first.

"I know, Lisbon. I've always known. I guess that's a good thing. Explains why you've put up with me all these years." Jane's chin came to rest on the top of her head.

"I guess it could." Lisbon agreed though she knew she was lying.

Surely Jane wasn't implying he thought she'd been in love with him for years? He couldn't be that wrong. And if he was, Lisbon hated to disillusion him. Nothing could be farther from the truth. She'd loathed him on their initial meeting and quite a few meetings thereafter. Actually couldn't stand him. She'd totally distrusted him for even longer than that. Over time she'd begun to like him a little better once they'd established a few ground rules and boundaries.

Not that Jane had ever truly respected either or even pretended to. Lisbon had just felt more in control of the situation once such directives were in place. Truthfully, their friendship had grown like mold on a shower stall against their better judgements. It had developed slowly over time with similar toxic effects along the way. What she wouldn't deny was she'd always found Jane dangerously attractive and sexy in a totally irreverent way. What red blood woman wouldn't? Not the majority at the CBI. She could attest to that.

Lisbon had, however, never seriously entertained thoughts of intimacy with the man. Perhaps a meaningless fling in a moment of lust inspired lunacy; but, not a relationship. Maybe she'd considered it quite a few times over the years. Usually when she was bored and had nothing better to do. She may have even indulged in a forbidden fantasy or two as well. She wasn't confirming that rumor either way and she never would.

Nope, no relationship complete with feelings and the certainty of getting hurt. She wasn't that stupid. And she'd never considered a child. Not with Patrick Jane. She wasn't that much of masochist. No matter what they whispered in the break room when they thought she wasn't listening. Yeah, she'd heard some pretty raunchy remarks over the years. She'd honestly found it amusing that some of her colleagues entertained such thoughts of her. A surprising number of her co-workers were immature jerks.

Lisbon's thoughts hadn't veered in the direction of anything more than what they had at work until Jane started showing up on her doorstep raw and defenseless seeking a lap on which to rest his weary head. And not just any lap. He'd sought out hers over and over again. After her initial reservations were laid to rest, Lisbon had willingly given it. She might even have petted those golden curls a time or two in the past. She'd even begun anticipating those nights and looking forward to his company. She'd not minded him sleeping on her couch on those not so rare occasions. She'd just wished he'd still been around the next morning to share a cup of tea every once in a while though she'd have been drinking coffee.

Somewhere along the way, Lisbon realized the attraction between them was real and far from one-sided. She'd known she was in trouble then. She'd known all it would take was Jane responding to the most innocuous of overtures for her to be willing to test the waters between them. But even that had nothing to do with love. It was nothing but unadulterated lust. She'd wanted him naked flesh against flesh. She'd wanted him in her and on her in all those oh-so-naughtily-pleasurable ways she'd experienced so many times since. Somewhere along the way that lust had morphed into deeper feelings. And somewhere along the way they'd slipped up and made a child. Life couldn't get any more complicated could it?

"You're thinking too much, Teresa." Jane had watched Lisbon's thoughts and feelings play across her face for the last quarter hour. He'd read each one quite clearly and found them fascinating. Wrong for the most part; but, totally Lisbon and fascinating.

"I guess I am." Lisbon agreed.

"I know you are. I meant what I said and I still do. I'm just not sure I'll be able to say it again anytime soon. We both know I never meant to say it the first time. The words just popped into my head and through my lips before I could stop them. That wasn't supposed to happen, Lisbon; not with anyone. Not ever again. But it did and it's true." Jane was obviously rattled by his confession in a way Lisbon had never seen before. She knew him well enough by now to know that it had nothing to do with her or his child. It had everything to do with the monster they were hunting and Jane's unbridled fears.

"I believe you, Jane. I honestly do." Lisbon didn't like that note creeping into his voice.

"I've cared about you for a long time, Teresa. I'd say we've been good friends for several years; but, we both know the other isn't a good idea. We were supposed to live together, share our lives, and raise our son. Be reasonably content and have a neat shallow life like so many people. We were never supposed to fall in love." Jane stated bluntly.

"You're being ridiculous." Jane made it sound like love had come late to the equation when they both knew differently. They might not have been willing to identify the emotion lurking in the shadows; but, it had been growing a long time. Long before they'd ever slept together or created the child in her womb.

"Lisbon, there's nothing ridiculous about it. We both know what happens to people I love. We both know what he does to them. I haven't been able to stop him." Jane would have to bring that ghoul out into the light of day instead of leaving him in the darkness. He would have to indulge his almost irrational fear when it came to Lisbon and Red John. The fear ignoring she was a seasoned cop fully capable of taking care of herself. That fear ignoring the reality she'd probably moved to the top of Red John's hit list the first night they'd slept together if not long before.

"Jane, shush, and stop with the foolishness. We both know I was marked long before we were even an 'us'. Don't let your paranoia get the best of you. Nothing is going to happen to me. I can take care of myself." Lisbon reminded him.

"Just like Bosco and his team. Just like every other cop he's ever slain." Jane reminded her.

"Stop it, Jane. It's too late to get scared now. We passed the point of no return a long time ago. About the moment he realized we had romantic feelings for each other before we ever did. I'm not letting Red John win. Neither are you. We're going to stop him. We have to for our son's sake." Lisbon brought his hand to her stomach pressing his palm over where she believed their son to be. "So now you believe we're having a boy?" Jane actually laughed at her statement allowing Lisbon to distract him from his disturbing thoughts.

"I'm willing to agree since you're so strongly convinced we are." Lisbon had finally decided if Jane said they were having a boy, they were having a boy. He wouldn't be wrong about that. He never was.

"You are so full of it, Lisbon." Jane called her on it.

"You may be right; but, I'm starting to believe. He feels like a boy." Lisbon admitted.

"It's because he is a boy. Trust me, Lisbon, and trust your instincts. They'll never guide you wrong." Jane said.

"Is that what you do?" She'd always wondered.

"Where you're concerned, yeah, I do. For other things, I have other talents." Jane answered truthfully.

"What do your instincts say about him?" Lisbon asked.

"He's not going to win this time. We won't let him." Jane made his words sound like a vow.

"No, we won't. There's too much at stake. There's you, me, and him. He's definitely worth fighting for." Lisbon declared.

"Yes, he is." Jane softly kissed her hair as he hugged her tighter. Lisbon leaned back against his hard chest while she watched one squirrel chase another up one tree and down the other.

"We're worth fighting for." She spoke a little more fiercely.

"Yes, we are." He shifted slightly in his chair. "Here, I have a present for you." Twisting the heavy band, Jane removed the ring from his finger.

"Oh, no, I'm not taking that. They'll know something's changed." Lisbon shook her head forcefully.

"Something has changed, Lisbon, something big." Jane wasn't expecting the unbridled panic in her eyes.

"They can't figure out the truth before we're ready, Jane. They'll split us up for sure." Lisbon didn't even realize her fingers were biting into his thighs.

"Ah, now I see. This is yours the moment you say the word. I'm only wearing it because you told me too. Understood?" Lisbon had her own terrors that were just as irrational as his.

No one in authority would ever split them up; but, Lisbon didn't know that. Jane wouldn't let them. However, he would humor his lover a while until she finally figured out nothing could come in the way of what they had. Jane was prepared to use every underhanded trick he had in his arsenal to ensure nothing threatened what they were nurturing between them and he had a lot of weapons. He also had a lot of dirt on certain people in very high places. He wasn't afraid to use it.

"Understood." Lisbon repeated. One day soon, he'd be taking that ring off for good. But, now wasn't the time and they both knew it.

Pressing the ring into Lisbon's hand, Jane held his hand out to her. Lisbon slipped the ring back onto the familiar finger. She was surprised to find she didn't hate that gold band quite as much anymore. Jane had just proven he was willing to take it off. All she had to do was say the word. It really didn't seem that important any more anyway. Who cared what they said at the office? She knew the truth of the matter.


	11. Chapter 11

Five months into her pregnancy and three months into living together, very little had changed in their world. Yeah, they loved each other; but, they were still treading lighter than they should be given their relationship. In Jane's favor, he went out of his way to be there when she opened her eyes unless he was out of town with another team. On those rare occasions he wasn't, she always found a note on his pillow. Though she still didn't know where he went, he was mercifully never gone that long. Lisbon was starting to believe in the impossible. Everything might actually be okay. Jane was certainly working hard to prove that.

Speaking of Jane, he still wore the not so hated ring and people still said indiscrete things at the most inopportune moments. They'd survived the CBI Christmas party with no one the wiser to her condition though she'd worn the more revealing body skimming bright crimson dress Jane helped her pick out instead of the usual serviceable black she favored.

Lisbon hadn't yet gained enough weight for her pregnancy to show at that time. She'd felt beautiful that night and her escort had been most attentive. By the look in his eyes, Jane was remembering their first night together just as she was. As was most likely his intent in choosing that particular shade of red in the first place. Though she knew he probably suspected Jane didn't know she was wearing the same lingerie she'd worn that night. He could put that hypothesis to the test later after they were home.

There had been no doubt in anyone's mind Lisbon and Jane were together in every way that night. She'd been a little on the apprehensive side until she'd realized nobody really wanted to tangle with Jane. To say he was silently marking his territory was an understatement. She'd relaxed as the evening progressed without any mishaps. In truth, they'd arrived fashionably late intentionally giving everyone time to get lit enough to miss the fact that though Lisbon carried around a glass of wine she never actually drank any.

Five months into the deal, Hightower and the powers that be were still in the dark there was a little Jane on the way; but, the team was not. Jane had insisted they be told and Lisbon had finally relented. In a gesture foreign to her nature, she'd invited the team to their place for dinner. It would be the first of many such evenings though none of them knew that at the time.

Jane had cooked while his significant other entertained their three guests on the balcony. Their boss was quite the amusing hostess outside of the office keeping them entertained with Jane's most recent hair-raising escapades. Van Pelt was the first to notice Lisbon wasn't joining them in a drink though she was clearly enjoying the delicious appetizers Jane had made. Lisbon had caught the glance she shot her companions and just smiled. They'd know the truth of it soon enough.

After being summoned inside for dinner, Jane served the same meal he and Lisbon had shared their first night together. If anyone noticed Lisbon refused a glass of Chianti in favor of joining Jane in a cup of tea, they were wise enough to keep their mouths shut. The pasta was delicious and the shrimp perfectly cooked. That their host made the salad dressing from scratch was never in question for he prepared it in front of them. After enjoying a dessert of apple tart, the well fed little group retired to the spacious den dominated by the big screen tv.

No one was under the illusion they'd been invited to their boss' home because she'd suddenly conceived an uncontrollable desire to do social and show them Jane's swanky new place. The boss didn't do social. Not with them. Not in all the years they'd known her. So there was a purpose behind the invitation and they all had a feeling that purpose was about to be revealed.

Rigsby settled on the couch beside Van Pelt while Cho took the leather wing chair closest to the French doors. They all watched as Jane settled on the loveseat beside Lisbon before taking her hand in his. Lisbon stared briefly into his eyes as her lips curved in a gentle smile. Both gestures seemed strangely encouraging, though out of character, as though the boss or Jane needed reassurance about anything. She was their fearless leader. She was Teresa Lisbon, Senior Agent with the CBI. He was their charmingly arrogant Jane who never willingly backed away from anything.

As silence descended it was obvious Jane was waiting for Lisbon's lead. That was strange in itself. The mentalist was always scampering ten steps ahead of them rarely hesitating long enough for them to follow. In this instance he seemed willing to simply abide in the moment.

The team watched as Lisbon paused to gather her thoughts. That she seemed unusually nervous around them was betrayed by the absent way she kept tapping her fingers against her leg. Clearing her throat, she looked at Jane then back at her team then back at Jane again. Van Pelt found the way they interacted charming, Rigsby was thinking what a nice big screen tv, and Cho still found the pairing of no-nonsense Lisbon with the volatile Jane peculiar for his tastes.

"We invited you guys here for a reason. You already knew that I'm sure." Lisbon said.

"Yeah, boss, we kind of figured there was something you wanted to tell us." Van Pelt spoke for the group.

"There is. You know Jane and I are together and have been for a while. Everyone at the CBI knows this. What you're about to find out, and they can't, is we're also pregnant. Again, we have been for a while." Lisbon's tone was as no nonsense as the one she used at briefings.

"Wow. Congratulations. You aren't really showing so you can't be that far along." Again Van Pelt spoke for the group while Rigsby and Cho just stared at the couple in silent wonder.

"We're eighteen weeks, Van Pelt." Jane answered for Lisbon.

"But that's about how long you've been together." Like Jane, Van Pelt was doing that mental calendar thing Lisbon found vaguely offensive.

"Yeah, it is. It happened in the early days and yes, it was a surprise." This time Lisbon responded to Van Pelt's statement. That was as close as she was coming to admitting they hadn't been irresponsible. Though it was none of the team's business, they were cops so she knew they'd want to know and she wasn't telling.

"Congrats. So what are you going to do now?" Cho asked as he studied the eclectically interesting collection of books lining the bookcases. He suspected most of the volumes belonged to Jane.

"Continue as we've started. Since I know you're wondering and Lisbon will never tell, we weren't careless. The little magic pill failed. Also in case you're wondering, we're not together because of the kid. We're together because we want to be regardless of our son not because of him." Jane readily spilled all of their secrets before they could ask much to Lisbon's chagrin. Rather before Van Pelt could ask. They both knew just such a question or a similar one hovered on her lips.

"It's a boy?" Rigsby's ears perked up. A boy would be nice. The boss would like that. She was a bit of a tomboy. Jane would probably prefer another girl. He just seemed like that kind of guy in spite of the pain it would cause him.

"Yeah, it's a boy." Their son hadn't been that shy about showing his little boy parts as they'd discovered a couple of days ago.

"Congratulations." Rigsby liked the idea of the boss having a boy.

He and Van Pelt could teach him to play football one day. It wasn't like Jane was going to do it. He'd probably try to teach him all that weird stuff he was into before the kid could even talk. A boy didn't need to learn all that junk. He needed to learn to play sports. He could learn a little football here, a little soccer there, and maybe they'd throw in a little golf and baseball for balance. Wrestling wasn't a bad option either.

"Thanks, Rigsby." Jane spoke for both of them.

"One other thing you need to know. You're the only people other than us who know about the baby and Lisbon wants to keep it that way for as long as we can. At the rate she's going, it'll be another month or two before anyone knows. By the time we have to tell anyone, she'll be ready to leave the field for a while. Right now she's not." Jane continued as though Lisbon couldn't speak for herself.

"What about the baby? You could get hurt." Cho asked the question they were all leery of asking.

"I'm not going to do anything stupid and I haven't gotten hurt yet. If I feel like I can't perform up to speed, I voluntarily leave the field." Lisbon compromised.

"Fair enough. What about him?" Cho asked.

"What about him? He's out there. We're being careful just like we've always been. There's nothing more we can do at the moment." Lisbon's tone said that subject was closed for discussion.

"That's all any of us can do." Cho acknowledged the subject was closed and Lisbon visibly relaxed. "We've got your back as much as that's possible."

"Thanks, Cho, we appreciate that." Jane answered for his other half. "Hey, it's nice outside. Let's move this party out to the balcony." That had gone better than expected.

Business conducted with no major catastrophes, the team followed Lisbon and Jane back out onto the balcony where they passed the rest of the evening in easy companionship. There were a few dicey moments when old lady Crandall across the way got rather cross with her imaginary friend and the stockbroker in 432 got his face slapped for putting the make on his girlfriend's younger sister; but, all in all it was a pleasant evening for everyone. Lisbon and Jane were entertaining hosts and the food was incredible. The team couldn't help hoping tonight was but the first of more to come.


	12. Chapter 12

Lisbon looked up from her desk. She and the members of her team including her other half were working late wrapping up the paper work on a rather unpleasant case they'd recently solved. They were also working on leads for their newest case. She was tired and Jane was aggravating her. Not that he was being particularly tedious, he was just being Jane. Everyone knew what that meant.

Lisbon was not handling Jane being Jane very well tonight. If she were honest, it wasn't really anything the man was doing. It was that she was so busy subconsciously blaming him for her swollen feet and all the other niggling irritations that were driving her out of mind she could barely tolerate the sight of him. She had a feeling Jane knew exactly what was going through her mind and found the whole thing vaguely amusing. Added to the rest, that particular thought caused her wrath to bubble forth unexpectedly.

The team had scurried like a bunch of mice to the four corners of the building when she'd had her last hormonal break from sanity. If something didn't give, they were going to mutiny and all go home for the night. Enough was enough and tomorrow was another day. Jane had quietly departed to steep a calming cup of tea. His nicely rounding little mother-to-be had overstepped the boundaries in her latest rant. What he'd done hadn't been all that bad. Not for him. It was certainly not bad enough for the dressing down he'd gotten in front of the team.

Van Pelt looked like she was catching flies for a moment, Rigsby's wince said he felt Jane's pain, and Cho's raised eyebrow clearly communicated if Lisbon was his woman hell would freeze over before she ever got any again. Pregnancy hormones be damned. That tirade was hitting below the belt under any circumstances. They'd all kept their mouths shut and beat a path out of Lisbon's presence as fast as their feet would go.

Lisbon knew what she'd said was pushing unforgivable without her team's reaction. Nor had Jane really earned it. He hadn't. It was undeniable he'd been exasperating, but the past few days of frustration had just poured out in a torrent of malice she'd not expected and he hadn't deserved. She'd be the first to admit that.

If she was lucky Jane would be his usual forgiving self and bring her a cup of half decaf to sooth her caffeine deprived nerves. He'd give her a chance to apologize though she wouldn't blame him if he refused to accept her words. If she wasn't so lucky, she'd have to waddle to the break room to get her own coffee. Probably have to brew a fresh pot too. It would probably also be a while before she saw Jane again. He'd go off for a few hours to lick his wounds in private; but, he'd return as he always did.

Lisbon hoped that didn't happen. She wasn't in the mood to make coffee and she'd miss Jane terribly while he was gone. Hug deprivation was a terrible thing she wasn't thrilled to be contemplating. Besides that, her coffee always tasted better when he made it and one of those spicy pumpkin muffins Van Pelt brought in this morning was starting to call her name. She hoped there was still one or two left hiding in the cabinet. With Rigsby around you never knew. The man was a human vacuum cleaner. He sucked the food in when no one was looking. On second thought, she hoped Jane would bring her both of those muffins. She hoped she was right and he was lying about being psychic. If she was, he'd be reading her mind about now and would know exactly what she needed.

Shifting in her chair, Lisbon decided she was starting to resemble a small beached whale. Not a particularly big one, something still relatively small and cute like a beluga. Yeah, a cute beluga she could almost handle being. To be sliding into her third trimester, she hadn't gained that much weight, perhaps fifteen pounds, but it was fifteen extra pounds she wasn't used to carrying around on her petite frame. It might as well have been thirty the way it felt.

She was starting to tire more easily, much too easily in her opinion. Feeling tired and sluggish was overrated. The honeymoon was definitely over. She'd had issues during the first trimester that had thankfully disappeared by the second. She'd started enjoying being pregnant during the second only to find it wasn't nearly as much fun by the third. Even her libido was slowing down. That just wasn't fair. There had to be a few perks left to this whole carrying a baby Jane thing. She couldn't endure all the aggravation without any fun much longer.

While her doctor would have preferred she'd gained a little more weight, he'd reassured her that their baby was quite large and healthy. Lisbon had merely shaken her head. If he was large now, he would only get larger in the coming months. She was so not looking forward to giving birth to that. Getting him in there was definitely a lot more fun than getting him out was going to be.

Jane would kill her if he ever found out she'd dare think of their little miracle as a 'that'. He'd gone baby crazy. He got all the pleasure of impending fatherhood without any of the suffering. It wasn't fair. As for Lisbon, she could already feel the pain. That was another thing to blame on Jane. He'd become a convenient scapegoat in her hormone driven moments. Convenient and willing, it didn't get any better than that.

All the babies on her side of the family tended to be small so the large baby gene had to come from the father's side. She was so going to kill him for that. Not that her brothers had remained small for long. They were all significantly larger than Jane. One thing Lisbon did know was her son was quite active. She had a feeling he was going to take up karate and kick boxing as soon they let him. Perhaps he'd take up soccer instead. Maybe he'd become a pro. That wouldn't be so bad having a pro athlete in the family. She certainly didn't want another Jane to have to keep up with. The one she already had was exhausting enough.

Looking down, Lisbon couldn't help smiling at the bizarre thought she was a beached whale with a happily bouncing baby belly…the belly bouncing all over the place right now. Shaking her head, Lisbon decided that totally weird thought must have come from prolonged caffeine deprivation combined with thinking about the disgustingly adorable baby animals from the Arctic bedding they'd recently purchased for the nursery at Jane's insistence.

She'd argued for the jungle babies instead but Jane had prevailed insisting Lisbon's tastes were too girlie for his son. Girlie? Get real, she was a lady cop. Her taste was anything but girlie. She'd liked the sweet little tiger's face and the silly monkey swinging through the trees. Jane was having none of that. So she'd settled for his equally charming choice to keep the peace though she'd wisely not told him his selection was no more fierce and manly than hers had been. Whales were among the featured cute but not so cuddlies dancing across the set along with penguins and polar bears.

It had to be thoughts of that nauseatingly cute mobile of neutrally colored baby animals twirling in the air that had her thinking this way or maybe it was just the onset of a particularly nasty case of indigestion instead. She'd almost prefer the latter. Where was Jane? He should be bringing her coffee right about now. He always did. Surely he wasn't really mad that she'd inadvertently maligned his not insignificant manhood in her latest hormone driven rant? On second thought, maybe he was and justifiably so.

#

Jane sat at the break room table silently sipping tea. He'd let Lisbon stew for a while. He wasn't particularly bothered by her little rant since he knew the cause. Besides, they both knew his manhood was hardly insignificant. Performance anxiety of any kind was the last thing Jane suffered from and definitely not with his very receptive Lisbon. The team had been more upset than he was by her rude off the cuff commentary.

However, he was willing to let her marinate for a while unsure of his reaction. When he decided she'd suitably chastised herself he'd bring her that cup of coffee he knew she was dying to have and those pumpkin muffins he'd managed to hide from Rigsby not without considerable effort. The man was more persistent than a truffle hunting pig when he was on the trail of Van Pelt's spice laden pumpkin muffins. Lisbon's half decaf was going to be a less than a quarter decaf but she wouldn't know that. He'd been pulling that little trick on her for quite a while. Ever since he'd decided caffeine was the last thing she needed given her present level of irritability. The less of the vile stuff in her system the better it was for everyone.

#

Where was Jane and where was her coffee? Lisbon was getting tired of waiting. Surely he wasn't still in the break room licking his wounds? She was going to kick his butt. Like she hadn't made that promise a million times since she'd met him. She'd even done it a time or two. Not hard to do when you were talking about Patrick Jane.

Turning in her chair, she grabbed the sheet of paper off her printer. Signing her name to the bottom of the document she tucked it neatly in the file before closing the folder and putting it away. Rising to her feet she walked over to her window to peer between the blinds. There were a lot of stars dotting the sky. It was really a beautiful night when the moon was full. A little on the cool side, but beautiful none the less. Lisbon couldn't help hoping that gorgeous moon didn't portend as many creepy crawlies bursting from the wood work as it usually did.

The team still hadn't returned from wherever they were hiding and Jane was still missing in action. The team should have been back by now. They didn't usually stay away this long after one of her outbursts. Of course none of her former outbursts had been quite this bad. Whatever. They'd come around eventually. Her other half was probably under the mistaken idea she was stewing in her own juices overcome by guilt at what she'd said. Let him think.

Nothing was farther from the truth. She was sorry she'd gotten quite so overwrought and said some of the things she'd said; but, she wasn't being devoured by guilt. She'd leave that kind of drama to Jane. He could just cut the crap about now and bring her that cup of coffee or she was going to get it herself. If she went to get that cup of coffee and found Jane sitting there sipping tea, he was toast. She was so going to hurt him and hurt him bad.

Mind made up, Lisbon made her way to the break room. Jane wasn't there, but the familiar empty tea cup was. Clean and waiting to be used again. So was a freshly brewed pot of coffee and a couple of pumpkin muffins on a napkin decorated with a hand drawn skull and crossbones. A silent warning to Rigsby should he come out of hiding and decide to devour his boss's treats. Jane had worked too hard to save them for his cranky partner to lose at this stage of the game.

Nope, her other half might not be around; but, his peace offering certainly was. It was gratefully acknowledged and accepted. The thought never once crossed Lisbon's mind she should be the one making the peace offering. She was the one carrying the baby Jane. When their roles were reversed she'd gladly take the role of perpetual penitent. Enough said on the matter.

Taking a bite of the moist, delicious muffin, Lisbon reached into the cabinet to take down the jar of instant coffee she kept hidden behind Ryan's cookie tin. Adding a half teaspoon of the noxious granules to the bottom of her cup she filled the vessel with coffee from the carafe. She'd caught on to Jane's little trick weeks ago and started doctoring her brew. As smart as he was, the man was an idiot to think she couldn't taste and feel the difference. After placing the last bite of the second muffin in her mouth, Lisbon dusted her hands together in an effort to displace the last of the imaginary crumbs before heading out into the hall way in search of her team.

Lisbon decided the CBI wasn't nearly as welcoming after hours. There were more cubbies than a rabbit warren littering the place. It was dark and shadowy and filled with little noises she'd never noticed before. Just the sound of the building settling she'd guess. Still a little on the unpleasant side. Enough was enough. It was time to put an end to the stalemate. They needed to get it done so everyone could go home. She was fading fast.

"Hey, guys, enough is enough. We need to finish what we were doing. I'm ready to go home." Lisbon called out to no one in particular.

The only response she got was the sound of the furnace coming on and the creaking of the walls. Stopping by the kitchen to top off her coffee, Lisbon made her way back to her office. The team really wasn't being very cooperative this evening. Neither was Jane for that matter. She was fast losing hope there would be any make up canoodling tonight much less anything more.

Seated back at her desk, resting her forehead wearily on her hands, Lisbon decided maybe she'd been much worse than she'd realized. She was going to have to find Jane. She was going to have to find the team. She was going to have to apologize to all of them. Oh, bother, she really hated eating crow. Would the fun never end?

Raising her head from her hands, Lisbon caught that faint sound again that had been gnawing at her consciousness. There shouldn't be anyone in the building but her team and security. The cleaning crew had departed long ago. Neither was what she was hearing. She was hearing faint footsteps in the distance and not the footsteps of anyone she knew. The cadence was all wrong. It wasn't security and it wasn't any of her the team. It definitely wasn't Jane. She knew all of their rhythms well. Such observations came with the territory.

Warily reaching for her gun, Lisbon turned towards the door. She couldn't help thinking it was a hell of a time for her people to disappear.


	13. Chapter 13

Pretending to read the file before her, Lisbon looked up as Jackson appeared in her doorway softly calling her name as he closed and locked her door behind him. The Agent had gone home a couple of hours ago long before her tirade. What was he doing back? And what did he want with her? They weren't working a case together and they weren't casual hangout friends. Aware it looked as though she were resting her hand on her belly, Lisbon tightened her grip on her gun as she pretended to absently rub her tummy keeping her weapon out of sight. Something felt off about this visit. Way off.

"Hey, Sean, did you forget something? I thought you'd gone home." Lisbon said wishing her team was nearby as the hair stood up on the back of her neck.

Whatever the other agent had planned, he was effectively blocking her only route of escape and she didn't like that. It seemed too planned to be an accident. Watching the man, Lisbon doubted he'd ever gone home at all. It was obvious he'd been waiting and watching for the perfect opportunity for whatever and decided tonight was it. It was also quite clear he knew exactly where Jane and her team were and that they wouldn't interfere with his plans. Finding her thoughts unnerving, Lisbon chose to keep her attention focused on the other agent instead.

"I changed my mind. There was still a thing or two I needed to do." Lisbon noted the creepy note in his voice.

Sean didn't sound exactly like himself. His voice was reedier and softer than his normal tone. Like he was trying to lull her into a deceptive calm she so wasn't falling for. She didn't know what kind of game he was playing; but, she didn't like it. She didn't like it one bit. Where was Jane when she needed him? Or better yet Rigsby, Van Pelt, or Cho? The ones who'd shoot and ask questions later.

Watching him take a step closer, Lisbon caught a metallic glint in his waist band that shouldn't be there. The question ripped through her mind since when did CBI agent carry knives? The answer was simple. They didn't. Especially not specialized blades like that one which she was quite familiar with. It was a knife made for butchering.

Lisbon drew her gun and fired about the time it registered she was looking down the barrel of a high powered silenced pistol that was anything but department issue. Watching his finger depress in seeming slow motion, she pushed to the side as she fired off a second round slowly rising to her feet intent on making a break for it if she got the chance. Lisbon had no intentions of dying, and Jane's son with her, with her lover just a few feet away. No one was murdering Jane's child a second time around. Least of all that vile bastard…It was so not going to happen.

Watching Jackson's body jerk on impact as the pistol fell from his hand, Lisbon resisted the urge to fire a third round. The competing crimson blossoms blooming across his chest and abdomen as he crumbled to the ground made such action overkill. That wouldn't play well on the evening news. Smirking at the thought that second shot wasn't even necessary, Lisbon was glad she'd spent all that time at the range. Though it might take a while for her "victim" to bleed out, they both knew the first bullet had done the trick.

#

Rigbsy, Van Pelt, and Cho looked up at the sound of gun shots being fired. They'd retreated to the attic for a while to give Lisbon a chance to cool down and get her mind back on work. It seemed she needed it and they needed a break. Van Pelt was piddling with some kind of picture she was embroidering in secret for the baby. She said it was going to a polar bear. It just looked like she was making squiggles and x's with different shades of ivory thread on pale blue cloth to the guys. Whatever, it was a girl thing.

Cho was reading a new book. Not exactly a new book, a classic, but a brand new copy of some boring old classic. Jane and Rigsby had been playing a half hearted game of chess until Jane had decided to go downstairs to fix another cup of tea. They weren't even sure he'd had time to get there much less anything else. Now it was just the three of them hanging out in the attic waiting for Lisbon to cool her heels. Or it had been until they'd heard that shot. Now it was the three of them barreling down the stairs in the direction of Lisbon's office.

Jane almost dropped the cup of tea he was in process of raising to his lips as the sound of shots tore through the building. He splashed some across the table instead. Slinging his cup aside, he shoved the chair back so hard it crashed to the floor with a bang. He really didn't care. An over turned chair was the last thing on Patrick Jane's mind as he race around the corner towards Lisbon's office.

#

As though watching from afar or through a haze, Lisbon saw disbelief spread across Jackson's face as his chest and gut blossomed with crimson flowers. He'd not expected this. He'd not expected her to be prepared for his coming. He'd expected to disable the pregnant woman before she could react and finish the job with that nasty knife she'd glimpsed right under the noses of Jane and her team. He'd been so sure of the outcome he hadn't even hadn't bothered wearing any disguise. No mask, nothing. He'd wanted her to know exactly who was snuffing her life and the life of Jane's unborn child. He'd wanted her to understand exactly why they'd never been able to stop him. He was just too smart. And he walked among them each and every day.

Keeping her eyes on her fallen foe, Lisbon refused to tremble at the realization Jackson had stared into her eyes across a desk many a time discussing one of the countless cases they'd worked together over the years. He'd even handed her a platter of barbeque chicken to carry to Minelli at the last office picnic in the park by the river. They'd danced a time or two over the years at the infamous CBI Christmas Parties. Years both were equally thrilled as Senior Agents at being compelled to attend. They'd probably even gotten slightly tipsy together on more than one occasion if she were honest. She really hated that stupid party, or she had until last year with Jane.

Jackson had even gone out with Boscoe and the boys for a beer at least a couple of times a week. She'd joined them a time or two. She'd beaten the man at pool more than once and he hadn't been half bad. Jackson had done all of that and he'd still been able to have his colleagues killed in such a despicable manner. He hadn't even allowed them to die in the field like the dedicated men they were.

He'd made their deaths pointless instead. Robbed wives and children of husbands and fathers for no other reason than to prove he could and to torment Jane of course. Catching a glimpse of Jane's pale face and stricken eyes, his near catatonic demeanor, she had to turn away. What he had done to Jane, to all of them, was unforgivable.

Composing herself, Lisbon ignored the tear coursing down her cheek. That thought made her so mad she saw red. Boscoe should have died with dignity. His men should have been cut down in a blaze of glory saving lives if it had to happen at all. Not in the ignoble way any of them had gone. Coming back to herself, Lisbon realized her foot hurt. That was going to be a hell of thing to explain to the M.E. when he arrived. That Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon had suddenly hauled off and kicked Sean Jackson's carcass in a fit of uncontrollable rage. Maybe she'd even cracked a toe or two in the doing. That man wasn't worth hurting herself over.

What was almost worse than any of the other was he'd asked her out a few times over the years. She'd even briefly considered going once or twice though she never had. She'd found something vaguely off-putting about him even then. Despite his charm and good looks there was something in his eyes she hadn't liked. Thank God for small blessings. She wouldn't have been able to live with herself if she had.

Shaking the thought, Lisbon reminded herself one of the reasons she'd not found him attractive was the man was obviously an unmitigated fool. He'd known her as well as anyone at the CBI except maybe Jane and Minelli or Boscoe when he'd been alive. He should have known she'd never let him get the upper hand. Not where Jane was concerned. Not where their child was concerned. She'd never let Jane go through the hell of that kind of loss again. Not in a million years.

"You okay, boss?" Cho was the first to recover the use of his tongue after what they'd just learned. He was still having trouble handling the fact the elusively deadly foe they'd all been fighting so long was a man he'd seen every day. He was one of them. One who'd transferred in from another office a few years ago.

He was also having trouble processing the sight and sound of Lisbon kicking the stuffing out of a dead guy. He'd not seen that one coming. Not that he really blamed her. She'd only done what they'd all like to do and couldn't. There had to be a rule on the books somewhere against desecrating corpses. Using a corpse as a kickball would definitely qualify even if it was probably Red John getting desecrated. Probably since they honestly didn't now. Jackson could just be another whacko copy cat. He wouldn't be the first cop to slide over the edge.

Cho glanced at his team mates. Rigsby stood just inside the door with his arm around an ashen Van Pelt as they both watched the scene unfold in disbelief. It was a good thing Grace couldn't see herself. She'd be mortified. That slightly gray color really didn't go well with her hair. Rigsby was still a little on the white side too. They were both pale and guilt ridden for leaving the boss.

Cho read the thoughts on their face. Someone had just tried to kill Lisbon in her office here at work and not just anyone. Red John had. He'd have killed them both without a second thought. He'd have slashed them to bits under their noses and left his sick calling card decorating her wall while they laughed upstairs oblivious to what was happening below. They wouldn't have heard a sound. Neither would Jane since the breakroom wasn't all that close to Lisbon's office. Jane would have lost his woman and child for the second time to the same soulless monster. That thought was too horrific to contemplate.

Red John had almost succeeded, too, because they hadn't been where they ought to be. They'd been too busy being offended by cranky Lisbon. By the scathing remarks she'd made to Jane. Even though he'd not been so terribly offended himself. As a result, none of them had been by her side including her lover.

Not that he'd have been much help; but, then again he might have surprised them. He had shot Hardy. Besides, it was Lisbon and his child they were talking about. It was his Lisbon and his child at risk. On second thought, he'd have probably torn the bastard limb from limb with his bare hands. Oh, yeah, that would have been a sight to behold and it would have given Jane the satisfaction of having brought the whole sorry chapter to an end. Though that wasn't how it had happened Red John was dead.

If there were any doubts to the man's identity, the note Cho just pulled from his pocket dispelled any reservations they might have. Written on plain stock paper, it contained seven simple words written in what was certainly not brownish red ink: _Another present for Patrick Jane, Red John._ Written and signed with a smiley face drawn in blood, Cho couldn't help hoping it was the murderer's blood and not another hapless victim's they'd yet to discover. From the looks of him, Jane would not handle that well.

"I'm okay." Lisbon wiped the blood off her face with the towel she kept tucked in her workout bag in the corner.

Jackson had gotten too close for comfort before she could get off her first round much less her second. She was spattered with things she didn't even want to imagine being spattered with. To make matters worse, it wasn't like she was going home for a shower anytime soon. A lunatic from hell had just tried to kill her and not just any lunatic. He was a lunatic that also happened to be the well-respected police officer working in the cubicle across the hall and three offices down. How was she going to explain that? If she thought the paperwork they were working on earlier had been a royal pain, she hadn't seen anything yet.

Leaning over though they both knew it was pointless, Cho efficiently checked for a pulse. Looking at Lisbon he shook his head. That man was definitely dead. He couldn't help thinking maybe he'd still had enough life left in him to feel the lethal kick a very pregnant Lisbon had delivered with considerable force. He really hoped he had.

Turning, Lisbon caught sight once again of Jane standing in the doorway. He'd been standing there in silence for quite a while since he was the first of the team to arrive on the scene. From the look in his eyes, he was trying to process what had almost happened and what, in fact, had already happened. He obviously wasn't handling any of it well. Or the fact Sean Jackson had been Red John all along. Lisbon watched him shake himself as the cobwebs fell away and his mind seemed to visibly clear before them.

"Hey, Lisbon, you're hurt." Van Pelt said.

"It's just a scratch." As stupid movie cliche as it was, Jackson's bullet had caught her jacket sleeve and shirt leaving a thin trail of red. It was nothing a little antiseptic and a bandage wouldn't fix. No stitches necessary. "He ruined my favorite blazer. I ought to kick him again."

"Nah, don't bother. He's not worth trying to explain why you kicked him a second time. Not worth the trouble. We'll buy you another. There's less annoying paperwork that way." Ever the showman, Jane sounded like Jane and not at all as he looked.

"You might have a point there." She agreed.

Lisbon's eyes never wavered from Jane's. She could see the cracks appearing and radiating from his soul. The man was shattering before her eyes and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Except hold her arms wide open and wait for him to come in. The breath was knocked from her lungs at the force of impact as Jane engulfed her in his arms not caring he was getting equally smeared with unmentionable things.

The team stood silently watching as they just held each other as though they would never let go. Jane's chin was resting on top of Lisbon's head as he gave into the uncontrollable shaking threatening to bring him to his knees. There was no doubt who was supporting whom. As there was no doubt Jane's body was wracked with tears. He'd come too close to losing it all again.

Catching Lisbon's eye, Cho conveyed by his glance his belief this was not something they needed to witness. A slight nod of her head confirmed her assent. With a jerk of his head, Cho indicated to Rigsby it was time to go. Sweeping Van Pelt out of the room with the arm still wrapped around her, the stunned couple followed their surrogate leader back to the bullpen. They needed to get this show on the road starting with making the necessary phone calls which Cho had already begun.

Back in Lisbon's office she allowed them to gently sink to the floor. Her knees like overdone spaghetti, she could no longer support their combined weight. Adrenaline waning, reaction was starting to set in. She wasn't surprised to realize they had settled into a familiar pattern from what seemed like a lifetime ago. Jane lay with his head on her lap suspended in stillness while her hand stroked through his hair reassuringly occasionally becoming tangled in his golden curls.

Closing her eyes, Lisbon found great peace and comfort in the familiarity of the moment. This is how they were found a while later by Hightower, the M.E., and the various members of their teams. Lisbon hoped briefly that what they'd seen wouldn't become fodder for water cooler gossip but quickly abolished the thought. What the hell. Let them talk. It wasn't like she could stop it anyway. She never had.


	14. Chapter 14

Red John was gone. Dead dog dead and Lisbon had done it. She'd killed a psycho dirty cop operating within the hallowed walls of the CBI no less. Things should have gotten easier for them, right? Not in their universe. Not for Jane and not for her. With his passing came a new set of difficulties to be carefully navigated as if there wasn't already enough stacked against them without any more.

The loss of his nemesis had shaken Jane to his very core. What was he going to do now? He'd defined his life by the hunt for so long he wasn't sure he recalled another way. He'd lived to destroy Red John with that single-minded determination the destruction of his enemy had taken with him. Vengeance, not blood, once coursed through his veins. Now all of that was over. Where were those feelings supposed to go? Who was Patrick Jane supposed to be?

Certainly not the charming rogue he'd once been. Lisbon would never allow it and he didn't want to be.

Jane had disappeared for a few days. Just up and vanished into the night eighteen hours after Red John's demise leaving Lisbon still snoring softly into her pillow. He'd discretely placed a call to Cho before leaving arranging for her right hand man to be there when Lisbon awoke. He'd left the spare key with Crocker. If Cho didn't need it, and he probably didn't, since Jane knew Lisbon had already slipped him a key, Rigsby or Van Pelt would.

No doubt they'd all appear to rally around their leader before too much time had passed. That was the way it should be. That was the way Jane wanted it to be. He might be a wretched excuse of a man at the moment, but he wasn't enough of a selfish bastard to have Lisbon thinking he'd bailed on her. He simply couldn't find the eloquence to justify his actions in a note. That's all there was too it. He'd leave her a Cho instead.

Placing a light kiss on her brow, Jane departed the bedroom without a backward glance before walking out the front door luggage in hand. In spite of the missing cases, Lisbon had only to look in their closet to know he would return. He'd not really taken much.

Just enough for the few days it would take him to sort his thoughts and confront his feelings. Just long enough to halt the darkness threatening to overwhelm all of them. He had to battle through his demons one last time. He had to finally lay them to rest for all their sakes. He had to do it alone. Something Lisbon would never allow were he to stay around. She'd think to save him from himself which was the last thing he needed.

The man he was needed to die so a new one could be reborn in his place.

#

Cho deposited the box from the bakery down the road on the counter top. He'd bought enough still warm treats for the entire team including Rigsby along with Lisbon's favorite cranberry orange glazed muffins. He'd thrown a pumpkin muffin or two in for good measure. Looking in the cabinet over the coffee maker he took down the coffee grinder before walking over to get the canister of beans from the freezer. Jane had told him exactly what to do to ease Lisbon's transition into acceptance that he was gone for a little while. He'd even consented to permitting a cup or two of real coffee. Her doctor had approved the indulgence every once in a while though that was Jane's personal little secret. Lisbon would have abused the privilege right and left had she known. He suspected she already did though he'd yet to catch her red-handed. He'd not really tried. Lisbon was a grown woman and she loved their child as much as he did. She wouldn't endanger either of them.

Cho ground the coffee and dumped it into the filter before filling the carafe with water. Emptying the carafe into the holding tank, he turned the coffee maker on. The heavenly scent of freshly made coffee wafted through the air within a couple of minutes causing definite stirrings from the direction of the master suite. The aroma of caffeine laden, full bodied coffee had obviously awoken a slumbering Lisbon.

Cho wasn't expecting his barefooted boss to come barreling into the kitchen wearing Jane's shirt, her panties, and little else. It was obvious he wasn't who she'd been expecting either. Blushing profusely, Lisbon turned on her heel and fled back the way she'd just come.

Shaking his head, Cho tried to get that image of his boss out of his head. Jane would kill him if he suddenly started getting a certain look on his face every time he looked at Lisbon. Good thing he had an inscrutable face. Cho whistled under his breath. Disheveled, pregnant Lisbon was one sexy woman. He suddenly understood why Jane liked to get the boss's dander up. Lisbon was pretty hot with that fire in her eyes and a touch of color dancing on her cheeks. To quote the boss, he was so going to kill the man for putting him in this position and that scandalous image in his head.

Returning to the kitchen a few moments later properly clothed in jeans and a sweater with her hair caught up in a ponytail and a touch of makeup brightening her face, Lisbon poured herself a cup of coffee and nabbed a muffin. One of the cranberry orange ones that Jane had conned Joanie at the bakery into creating just for her when those muffins were all her queasy stomach could tolerate. They still bought them because they were heavenly.

Jane claimed they were full of extra nutrients and easier on the digestive system or some such rot. All she knew was they were delicious. She's lived on several different flavors for a few weeks when she was a prisoner to her stomach and still looked forward to having the muffins as an occasional treat. Joanie had cornered the market in Sacramento with her special line of tasty mommy-to-be muffins. While it was Sacramento today, the intrepid Joanie the uber baker would have the world at her feet tomorrow. No doubt Jane was and would continue to get some kind of kick back from the deal since he was the one who'd tweaked her original recipes.

Having eaten her muffin, Lisbon carried her coffee out on the balcony aware that Cho was following her carrying his own cup of scalding coffee. Lowering her ever expanding girth into a chair, she stared out over the courtyard. They drank in silence for a few minutes neither daring to speak.

"He's gone, isn't he? That's why you're here. So I wouldn't wake up alone. He told you to bring me muffins and real coffee to salve my wounded pride." Lisbon said.

"Something like that." Cho agreed.

"He'll be back soon. He didn't take much with him." She knew since she'd already checked the closets.

"That's what he said." Cho agreed again.

"And you believe him?" Lisbon asked.

Jane had more than enough money to just leave and buy everything he needed to start over anywhere in the world. Even without touching the accounts set up in her name. They all knew that. Lisbon hated herself for briefly entertaining the thought he might never come back. Sure he would. Jane would never leave his son. She didn't once think the obvious. Jane would never leave her.

"Yeah, boss, I believe him. Jane said he needed a little time alone to think things through." Cho repeated their earlier conversation.

"I see." Lisbon mulled.

"He said you'd never let him do what had to be done if he stayed here." Cho felt disloyal for the thought Jane was right.

"He's probably right." Lisbon admitted.

"He said the extra strain wasn't good for you or the baby. I agree. I think he's doing the right thing for all of you." Cho gave his two cents.

"He might be." Lisbon said though she didn't fully agree.

"He is." Cho's voice was a little firmer.

"He didn't even leave me a note." Jane always left notes, or he had recently.

"Jane isn't thinking clearly. He was afraid anything he might say would do more harm than good." Cho was going to have a man to man with Jane real soon for putting him in this position.

"The two of you really talked." Lisbon decided that was good. Jane needed to talk to someone other than her and Cho was a good man.

"Yeah, boss, we did. Let him have some space. Things will be better when he comes back." Cho's voice conveyed he believed that.

"You really think so?" Lisbon had to wonder.

"Yeah, I do." There wasn't a doubt in Cho's mind.

"I do too. Thanks, Cho." There was a reason the man was her right hand.

"Hey, that sounds like Rigsby and Van Pelt. Think they'll figure out we're out here?" Cho's voice said he wasn't too sure.

"What do you think?" Lisbon smirked.

"It's just us, boss." Van Pelt's voice floated from just inside the door.

Lisbon smiled as she realized Van Pelt and Rigsby would stand a half foot inside her door until she gave them permission to move. As smart as they were, those two could be a little on the dense side sometimes. They weren't comfortable navigating the boss's home freely without her guidance even though they'd been here several times. It wasn't like anywhere was particularly off limits. Not with Jane around.

"Make yourself at home. Grab some coffee and whatever you want from the box and come join us." Lisbon yelled through the French doors.

Her neighbors could just get over it. She didn't feel like hoisting her nicely rounding baby belly out of her chair only to have to lower her wide load back into the same chair a couple of minutes later. If old lady Crandall made one more not too subtle remark about noise pollution at the HOA meeting given how many arguments she had with her imaginary friend on the back balcony, Lisbon was going to see about having her meds upped.

Crocker would certainly be able to find out her doctor's name. That nosey man could find out anything. No one else seemed to have any problem with her. Lisbon suspected old lady Crandall's trouble with her stemmed more from her choice of career than anything else. She really didn't yell that much all things considered. Old lady Crandall just thought being a cop was an undignified profession for a lady, and being a Senior Agent only made it worse.

She bossed men around for Pete's sake and everyone knew that just wasn't done. Underscoring her point that Lisbon was somewhat on the undesirable side, the woman was living with that nice, charming Jane and having his baby when they weren't even married. He was such a lovely man so handsome and nice. Lord knows, that witch had probably trapped him in her wanton web with her evil, lascivious ways. She'd probably seduced him in the first place if the truth were known. Her kind of woman did underhanded things like that.

Lisbon had bitten her tongue to keep from telling old lady Crandall 'Damn right she had and more than once.' when she'd overheard the comment one day down by the pool. At least to the seducing thing, but her neighbor was way off base on the trapping part. If anyone had done any trapping, it was Jane. Lisbon was sure of that.

"Hey, guys, have a seat. I see Jane invited the whole team over to play while he decided to take a little vacation. It's okay. I don't mind. It'll keep my mind off of things I shouldn't be thinking in the first place."

Lisbon watched Van Pelt take up residence against the banister by the wall in the same spot as she'd done the morning after her first night with Jane. The night that had started it all and the night she was sure their baby was made. She chose to believe that anyway. She watched as Rigsby sat his coffee on the table before folding his tall frame into the chair opposite from Cho.

It was nice that Jane had put her support system in place before he'd disappeared. It was more than he used to do. It was even nicer that the team had rallied to his call. She was a very lucky woman all things considered. Lisbon closed her eyes for a few moments as she rested under the watchful, concerned eyes of her devoted team. When she opened her eyes again, everything would be better. She just knew it would.


	15. Chapter 15

Jane had been forced to redefine his whole existence complete with nightmares and visions of red smiley faces dancing in his head. Except this time it hadn't been his wife and daughter he'd seen. It had been Lisbon and his son. As traumatic as it was for him to admit, the second time was worse than the first.

He'd then had to come to terms with a very harsh reality. Contrary to what he'd ever believed possible, his feelings for the dark haired woman were greater even than the love he'd born Angela. He had no reason why this should be true. Quite possibly it was because she'd trekked across Lodebar without provisions at great peril to save him from himself. It was impossible not to eventually fall for a woman like that no matter how much distance he'd put between them or how fast he'd run.

In the first hours after Red John's demise, Lisbon insisted on being by his side whenever he would let her. When the closeness became too much, Jane had reverted to his former ways. He'd simply disappeared for a few days. While still the same in many ways, his newest disappearances were different too.

This time around he called frequently to reassure he was okay and to be reassured that she was, too. He'd made sure the team was around to insulate her in his absence. Eventually, he'd returned to Lisbon's side a little less shattered than before and tenderly repentant for any pain he'd caused.

That had only happened a few times over the course of several weeks before equilibrium was restored. Though she would never ask either of them, Lisbon had a feeling a private talk with Cho had had something to do with that final restoration. Whatever the cause, Jane was doing much better than he had initially and she was glad. She would thank Cho for his intercession once she figured out what she was thanking him for and how she should word it.

Walking out to the kitchen, earrings in hand, Lisbon poured herself a glass of juice. She'd been waiting close to twenty minutes on Jane. What was taking so long? All he had to do was put on his shoes and comb his hair. Granted he'd have been ready a long time ago if she hadn't side tracked him for a while but she couldn't help herself. That devilish smile was too tempting to resist.

Especially since she'd been home by herself all day while he'd been at the office working a case with the team. It wasn't fair. No man had the right to look so delicious just walking through the door. Not when she'd been bored out of her mind from the moment he left until he'd arrived home again. Picking lint from between her toes was more interesting than what was on television today. Her concentration level hadn't been high enough to attempt a movie and her routine doctor's appointment hadn't been any more interesting. It was just the same old same old meaning she was a half pound heavier and everything was going well. So, she'd decided it was Jane's turn to entertain her instead.

"Jane, get a move on. We're going to be late." She called.

Lisbon fastened her emerald earring as she stood by the kitchen counter tapping her foot. Smiling at her words, Jane didn't bother responding. He just kept tweaking his hair in the bathroom mirror. He was loitering with intent just long enough to get that little bit of fire in those green eyes that Lisbon never realized made her so incredibly hot. He wanted her looking her best. This was a night neither of them would ever forget.

Tapping her fingers impatiently on the kitchen counter, Lisbon couldn't help sniggering to herself. Leave it to no nonsense Teresa Lisbon to get embroiled with a vain little peacock like Patrick Jane. Not that Jane was that little in any sense of the word. Her old college roommates, the ones she hardly ever saw anymore because of work, would laugh her out of the room. That man honestly took longer than she did to get ready. It was really funny when she stopped to think about it. It was annoying at times; but, still ironically funny.

"Jane, get your butt in gear or I'm out of here. You can find your own way to the restaurant." Lisbon was so not in the mood to dawdle. Her stomach had been growling off and on for the past half hour and their son had taken up ballroom dancing on her bladder high kicks and all.

Jane didn't bother answering. No response was necessary.

"Hey, Jane." Lisbon was fully prepared to roar even louder if he didn't respond appropriately soon. The neighbors had to be used to the sound of a Lisbon summoning a Jane by now. Not dissimilar to a water buffalo bellowing across the veldt for its wayward mate she was sure. "Ah, Jane." Lisbon's tone was suddenly much too quiet.

"What's wrong, Lisbon?" Jane asked as he headed for the hall confident everything was fine.

Having decided he'd dallied long enough to get the desired effect by the tone of her voice, Jane swept into the living room carrying Lisbon's purse. She'd gotten rather forgetful lately. Left the ridiculous looking thing right on the foot of the bed like that was where it belonged. Just a normal part of pregnancy he supposed; the forgetfulness.

"I'd say uh-oh." Lisbon pointed down at her now soaked feet.

This was so not happening right here, right now. Not three and a half weeks early and not when they finally had reservations to that new restaurant she'd been hearing so much about. That place with the waiting list from hell that Jane had somehow managed to wrangle his way around. This was so not fair!

Tonight was supposed to be Jane's peace offering for the emotional distress he'd inadvertently caused her since Red John's demise. She'd deliberately not eaten much today just so she could make an unrepentant pig of herself and had dressed an hour early in eager anticipation. The least Jane's kid could do was not interfere with her plans. More importantly, he could give her these last few weeks to finish getting emotionally prepared for his arrival. She wasn't at all concerned about being a mother as she'd help raised her brothers. Just surviving sanity intact through those first really big steps like from birth to toddlerhood.

"I'd join you in saying that." Jane couldn't stop the smile threatening to blossom on his face. He admitted to himself that he really wasn't surprised by his son's bad timing. He was his child after all.

"I don't think they're Braxton-Hicks anymore." Lisbon wanted to scream in frustration.

Jane's expression didn't waver as he tamped down on that smile he knew would get him killed. Though he appeared serene, Lisbon knew her partner's mind was already racing light years ahead. He was past ready for this baby to be born. He was past ready to be a father again. He was past ready to trap her in motherhood. Yeah, well, he would be since she was the one doing all the work.

#

Lisbon kept a straight face until the next contraction hit. Given the mildly annoying discomfort she'd endured most of the day, she wasn't expecting the intensity of that one. Judging by his expression neither was Jane.

"My Dear, from the looks of things, I'd suggest we get you changed and get this show on the road. I don't think either of us is up for a home delivery. I know I'm not and I suspect you aren't either.

I'll take care of this; you go do whatever you need to do. We'll leave when you're ready." Jane informed her fully intending to let Lisbon call the shots and follow her lead.

"Sounds like a plan." Lisbon fought to be as calm as Jane sounded.

Nothing could be farther from the truth. The day had finally arrived and she was so not ready for any of this. Not ready to have this baby, not ready to be an infant's mother, not ready to be a family, not ready to be whatever she was supposed to be to the complex man who shared her life and her bed. It had been too long since she'd been an intimate part of such dynamics. Since she'd raised her brothers and protected them from their father's wrath. Way too long. Not that she had any choice now. All of those things were happening full speed ahead and she couldn't stop them. She was about to have this baby, be a mother, be a family, and be whatever Patrick Jane needed for the rest of their natural lives.

She was so not ready for this. She just wasn't.

"Teresa, it's going to be all right. We can do this together. I know we can." Jane engulfed her in a hug and gave her a gentle kiss. Lisbon was glad one of them felt that way. "Now go get that shower you're dying for. Hurry up. From the looks of you, this one isn't going to take too long. Call me if you need me. I'll be right here." Actually, once he finished cleaning up the mess and putting her bag by the door, he'd be in the bedroom waiting. She would definitely need his help before she was through.

"Thanks. I'll be out in a minute." Lisbon had no intention of being very long. She headed for the bedroom hoping to finish that quick shower before the next pain hit. After that, they were heading for the hospital and those nice meds she was already anticipating.

In the end, Jane was right. He ended up more than helping. He eventually climbed into that shower fully clothed to hoist Lisbon from the corner where she'd slid to the floor cowering under the warm cleansing spray. He scooped her up, hauled her out of the stall, and wrapped her in a thick bath sheet before hastily changing from his sopping clothes and towel drying his hair as he was dripping everywhere. He then dried Lisbon's hair, applied a touch of color to her face as instructed, helped her dress, and wiped away her tears. He held her tightly against him until she regained a semblance of control over her emotions. Not that he really blamed her. He was finding having a child far more trying the second time around…perhaps because he was far more intimately involved.

On the other hand, Jane was genuinely surprised that all it took to totally decimate the very capable Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon's world was the thought of impending motherhood with a Baby Jane. She could kill Red John before he killed her, but the simple awareness the small being she'd carried inside her all these months was about to be in her arms was cripplingly terrifying for the mother-to-be. That this little person was going to be totally dependent on her was more than Lisbon could handle in her current mental state. Jane knew also that a lot of her issues were due to the stresses of almost dying and killing a man combined with the stresses of putting up with him. Being pregnant in itself didn't help. Very little of her current state was due to any real fear of becoming a mother. She was fully capable of being the best.

Lisbon fought to reassure herself everything would work out fine. Jane would be there to help of course. Yeah, right. He'd taken to disappearing again at the most inopportune moments since Red John's demise. How could she trust him not to disappear when she needed him most? Having the team rallying around her was no substitute for having Jane by her side.

Sometimes Lisbon wondered why she put up with the man. No, she didn't. Not really. She loved him more than anything and they were having a kid together. It was as simple as that. She'd put up with him as long as Jane wanted to stay around. She honestly hoped that was forever in spite of the near constant aggravation she endured.

"Hey, Lisbon?" Jane buttoned her coat and straightened the collar. She was presentable if a little moist and weepy.

"Yeah, Jane?" Lisbon pretended to flick a bit of lint off her sleeve. She was still fighting tears and they both knew it.

"All those phone calls and the disappearing act I've been pulling lately have nothing to do with him." Jane informed her.

Jane knew Lisbon had been disturbed by the phone calls he'd gotten at all hours of the day and night. He'd been careful to take them in front of her so she knew they were business and that his pursuer was a man. What kind of business she didn't know and he wouldn't tell her. It wasn't time. It might not go through and he'd not wanted to get her hopes up.

Jane knew she'd concluded he was in some kind of therapy he wasn't yet ready to share. That wasn't implausible given the difficult time he'd had reconciling his existence with the reality Red John was gone. That his sudden disappearances of a few hours usually coincided with a phone call summoning him to some unknown destination seemed to support that fact. They both knew Lisbon was trying to wait until he was ready to share rather than indulging in her usual straight forward tactic of demanding answers. Not that it really mattered. He usually didn't supply them anyway. Not until he was ready. Fortunately anything related to his past Lisbon still handled with decorum and care. This time wasn't different.

"Oh, really?" Lisbon asked.

"Yeah, really, and I'm not in any kind of therapy. I know that's what you thought; but, you're wrong. I worked that one out on my own." Jane wasn't too keen on therapy after his breakdown and hospitalization of so many years ago. It hadn't been very effective anyway.

Jane opened the car door and helped Lisbon into her seat. Leaning over, he reached around her to fasten the seat belt over her tummy. Tucking her hand back in her lap he closed the door and walked around to the driver's side of the car. Opening the door, he slid into the seat and fastened his own seat belt.

"If you're not in therapy what's going on?" Lisbon asked

There was a wariness a about her features he didn't like; but, wasn't surprised to see. He was troubled to see that expression on her face. Not that he really blamed her for how she felt. He'd worked hard to put that look there. It hadn't taken Cho to point that out. He'd been disappearing a lot lately at all hours of the day and night. He'd even been gone overnight on a few occasions. Always after one of those phone calls of which she had yet to hear more than just one side.

"I can assure you nothing that's passing through that suspicious mind of yours. You know that place you hate? The one you think I disappear to when I don't? I haven't been back there since that first night. You know the night I'm talking about. That night you made me swallow my tongue with your skimpy red lingerie? That rather hot night for both of us?" Not that the day that followed was much cooler.

Lisbon couldn't believe this. The man was leering at her when she was about to have his kid. That was grossly disrespectful. She could assure him sex was the last thing on her mind at the moment. He'd be lucky to ever get any after all of this was said and done. Lisbon thought about smacking the hell out of him but had the grace to blush instead. Jane turned his attention back to the road as he exited the parking lot onto the highway.

"I won't lie to you, Lisbon. That isn't strictly true. I did go back once; but, only to say good-bye and paint that notorious wall. The one I used to sleep under quite a bit." Lisbon felt her skin crawl at the image his words evoked.

"What are you trying to say?" Lisbon asked.

"It's gone, Lisbon, as of today. The house is gone. That's where I was last night and this morning. Signing the papers and collecting the check." Jane informed her.

"You sold your house?" She wasn't sure she believed him.

"Yeah. That's what all the calls were about. Stephen, my agent, and I were wrangling with the buyers. The fools thought they were going to get the place for a song and a dance considering what happened there and the fact Red John was finally dead. That wasn't happening. I knew how badly they wanted it and it's not like we can't use the money. I hate to think what it's going to cost to send that kid to college." He didn't need the money and they both knew it.

Jane could provide, and provide quite comfortably for his family, if he never turned his hand to another thing. Even if Lisbon went totally over the cliff and decided to become a stay at home mom which they both knew would never happen. It was more that Jane didn't have to part with that house so he wasn't about to give it away. In truth, the only reason he wasn't allowing the place to rot to the ground was for Lisbon's sake. She would feel more secure knowing it was gone. Then there could be no more unpleasant trips down memory lane for either of them.

"You got rid of the house in Malibu?" Lisbon asked again.

"Yeah, Lisbon, I did. For you. For him. For us." Jane took her hand in his.

"I don't know what to say." She honestly didn't.

"Don't say anything. Just accept I'm finally yours in the way you've always wanted me to be. I don't even have to wear this if it bothers you." Releasing her hand, Jane reached for the gold band hidden beneath his shirt on the fine gold chain.

Jane had forced his ring into her hand the night he'd almost lost her to Red John. The night she'd shot the serial killer dead. She'd not asked for the gesture; but, she'd finally accepted it for the gift it was. Lisbon had returned the ring to Jane the next day on the chain she'd purchased for just that purpose. She'd even fastened it around his neck. They were gone; but, they would never be forgotten by either of them.

"I'm fine with that, Jane. I wouldn't have given it to you if I wasn't." Lisbon smiled as she realized her words were finally true.

She was no longer threatened by their ghosts. Angela and Charlotte Ann Jane were no longer the dark shadows constantly shifting between them. There was enough love to go around for all of them. While Jane didn't know it, their son would know about them too. He would know as much as she could discover about his daddy's much loved 'before them' forever family.

Yep, he'd definitely know about the beloved wife and daughter who'd possessed his daddy's heart before either of them came on the scene. The remarkable women whose loss helped make Jane the incredible man he was. The remarkable wife and daughter he'd mourned every day since their untimely murder. The wife and daughter she hoped he was finally laying to rest.

Lisbon would even show him their pictures, their precious little boy. The one who'd come after to deliver his father from his pain. The same picture Jane had shown her late one night in an unguarded moment of weakness. The family portrait of the impossibly handsome man with the lovely woman and the beautiful golden haired child she would place among their family photos as soon as he gave the word. Lisbon would do all of those things and more as long as her son's father gave his consent as she knew Jane most certainly would.

Squeezing and releasing his hand, Lisbon settled into her seat and closed her eyes. She decided to let Jane get them where they needed to go while she concentrated on relaxing between contractions. Since Jane had called Rigsby, Van Pelt and Cho before they left the condo, she knew the team would be waiting at the hospital long before their arrival. They were almost as excited as the parents to meet the newest arrival when he finally came.


	16. Chapter 16

Tearing his eyes away from his sleeping son, Jane meandered down the hall towards Lisbon's room. The team had met them at the hospital as expected. Lisbon had groused about them being there also as expected. There wasn't anywhere else they'd rather be. They'd watched their boss and Jane being swept through the swinging doors before convening to the waiting room. They didn't have long to wait. Samuel Patrick Jane impatiently entered the world a couple of hours later.

The team had departed a while ago promising to return soon leaving Jane to ruminate on his blessings in peace. His son was twelve hours old. He'd spent a lot of that time rotating between watching one or the other of them sleep. Usually Lisbon if he were honest. He'd not done much sleeping himself though. He was too excited. He'd prowled the hall instead. Yawning, Jane paused before silently opening the door. If Lisbon was still asleep, he didn't want to disturb her. He needn't have worried. Lisbon was wide awake staring at the door as though willing his return.

"Hey, Sleepyhead, you're finally awake." Jane remarked as he entered the room.

"I got tired of you staring at me while I sleep. You know how I feel about that. It's creepy." Lisbon responded.

"Yeah, well, I can't help myself. You're incredibly beautiful even exhausted with dark circles under your eyes." Jane sat in the chair beside her.

"And you're full of crap. Have you seen him?" Lisbon asked.

"What do you think? Where do you think I was when I wasn't sitting here watching you sleep?" Lisbon rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I've even managed to hold him a few times. He's a handsome kid if I say so myself even if he is a little on the squished face side." Jane pronounced.

"My son is not squished face." Lisbon fixed him with a glare.

"My Dear, our son is most definitely squished face. Given that he is rather large, you are very small, and he was in quite the rush to enter the world it was totally unavoidable he ended up a little squished face. I'm sure he won't hold that against you. Not past the first twenty years or so." Jane predicted.

"Jane." Lisbon growled.

"What?" Jane rather innocently asked.

"You're a jackass and our son is perfect." Lisbon crossed her arms over her chest and regretted the move.

"Whatever you say." Jane verbally poked her again enjoying the red in her cheeks.

"Jane." Lisbon's tone said she was about to jump out of that bed and smack him one.

"Fine. All teasing aside, he's a good looking kid. He has your eyes and hair." Jane told her though he truthfully thought their son a bit squished faced at the moment.

"He's going to look like you." She had eyes and she could see.

"You may be right; but, with your coloring." Jane had eyes too. There was no way that dark hair was getting any lighter. "We did well, Lisbon. We truly did."

"And we weren't even trying." Lisbon reminded him.

"Oh, we were trying, Lisbon, we were definitely trying, just not with intent." Jane corrected her.

"Think what we could do if we were." Lisbon glanced at the door longingly.

"Trying with intent?" Jane asked.

"Yeah." Lisbon agreed.

"Is that your way of saying you want another?" Jane asked secretly hoping it was.

"I guess it is." She'd settled down a lot since the actual birth was over.

"I think that can be arranged if it's still what you want after we've had this one around for a while. Let's survive the test drive first before we decide to make another." Jane suggested though his mind was already made up.

"That might be wise." Lisbon agreed.

"Yeah, I think it might. We should probably also make it legal." Jane watched her eyes widen as though she doubted she'd heard the right words.

"What are you saying, Jane?" Lisbon asked.

"That we should probably get married before we do this again. It'll make life easier on the kid." Jane looked her squared in the eyes a little surprised Lisbon wasn't looking away.

"Is that the only reason?" She asked.

"Not necessarily, but I think it's a good one. Especially given you're already talking about having another one." Jane's tone was somewhat teasing through the seriousness of the moment.

Not that he thought that was a bad idea. He'd love another little one or two to bounce on his knee while he was still young enough to appreciate them. Maybe even a little girl with emerald eyes and dark hair. Yes, he'd definitely like a mini Lisbon to call his own. About this time next year or a little later would suit him fine.

The larger Lisbon watched her lover's mind moving at the speed of light and knew exactly what he was thinking for once. She had a feeling he'd get what he wanted. She certainly wouldn't do anything to interfere. She'd probably even let him think it was all his idea, the sneaky bastard. At least one of them would know the truth.

"Any other reasons I should take your suggestion under advisement?" Lisbon teased back.

"How about I love you and I can't imagine the rest of my life without you." There was nothing teasing about Jane's response. He hadn't said those words since they'd slipped out on his balcony a lifetime ago. He'd shown her in a myriad of ways, but he'd not dared to utter the words again.

"I wasn't expecting that." She'd wanted to hear those words. But, she hadn't been expecting them.

"That's how I feel. I've made a semblance of peace with losing them now that he's gone, Lisbon. But, honestly, I can't say the same for you. There isn't another Lisbon out there for me. I would never survive losing you." Jane admitted.

"You'll never lose me." Lisbon sternly informed him.

"I can't. What do you say, Lisbon? Marry me?" Jane asked again.

"Yeah, Jane, I'll marry you." Lisbon didn't need to think about her response. It was a given and they both knew it.

"As soon as possible?" Jane asked.

"Yes." She didn't need to think about that either.

"When?" Jane pressed his point.

"As soon as we can make reasonable arrangements my brothers can attend. This is going to be my forever wedding so it has to be special. It's the only one." Actually, as soon as she was comfortably up and around would be fine with Lisbon and she'd tell him so.

"What do you consider reasonable arrangements?" Jane asked.

"What would you say to a small ceremony and reception for a handful of our closest friends? Our place is big enough to handle anyone we'd care to invite." Lisbon decided that would be perfect on the spot.

Anything more elaborate would be ridiculous in her opinion. It wasn't like their lives weren't already woven together in so many ways. It wasn't like they hadn't known each other for over a decade. It wasn't like they hadn't been sharing the same house and bed for quite a while and already had a child together. Not that she'd want anything different if they'd done things the normal way. White gowned ostentation wasn't her style. Just small and simple with the people they loved around them to share the moment. It couldn't get more perfect than that.

"I think we can do that." Jane agreed.

"It's what I'd like." It honestly was.

"Then it's what you'll have." Jane promised.

"Thank you." There was nothing else to say.

"Don't thank me. I want you to be happy." He wanted to be happy too.

"I am." Lisbon said.

"I know and so am I." Jane agreed before continuing his conversation. "Lisbon, I'd planned to do this differently tonight; but, I had to cancel the reservations I'd made at that new place across town. Something a little more important popped up."

That very expensive, very exclusive restaurant across town that was booked six months in advance. He'd done quite a bit of charming and wheedling to have to cancel at the last moment due to unforeseen circumstances. His loss was definitely some lucky couple's gain.

Lisbon couldn't help snickering at that one. She knew exactly what had popped 'up' though 'who' and 'out' were more accurate terms. The 'who' involved weighed over nine and a half pounds give or take a couple of ounces. Once he'd decided it was time, little Samuel Patrick Jane had let his will be known with amazing vengeance.

Forget the stories of drawn out first labors. Their son had demanded to enter the world quickly and quite painfully for his mother. She'd barely made it to the hospital on time. Of course that probably had something to do with that total meltdown she'd experienced beforehand. The discomfort was immediately forgotten the moment she held her offspring in her arms. His daddy might bear the battle scars for the rest of his life; but, the son had made it through his ordeal perfect in every way.

"I'd agree slightly more important." Lisbon snickered.

"I missed my chance to wine and dine you so I'll just have to make the best of it. Lisbon, I've asked you to marry me and you've agreed so I guess you need this to seal the deal." Taking a small box from his pocket, Jane slid the emerald and diamond ring on her finger.

"It's beautiful." It really was. Just another example of Jane's impeccable taste, though he would say the best example was lying on the bed before him.

"Just like its possessor." Jane agreed.

The ring was perfect in its classic simplicity. The square cut center emerald was neither too large nor too small, but just the right size to compliment Lisbon's finger as were the trilliant cut diamonds flanking either side. Nothing ostentatious or flashy, the ring's expense was in the exceptional quality of the stones utilized in making it and not the size of the gems.

"Go ahead and ask what you're dying to know." Jane said.

"How do you know I want to ask anything?" Lisbon asked confident he wasn't reading her mind.

"Lisbon, just ask when I bought this. You know you're curious." Yes, he was.

"I don't know how you do that. Know what I'm thinking I mean." Lisbon cursed under her breath. He wasn't supposed to do that.

"I'm not going to tell you. A man has to keep a few secrets from the woman in his life. Just ask what you want to know. I'll certainly answer this time." Jane said.

"All right, I will. When did you buy this?" She really wanted to know.

"Three days after that first night. I realized I wanted to live again and I wanted to live with you." Jane told her honestly. He could produce the receipt if she didn't believe him.

"How could you know that? I didn't know any such thing." Lisbon said.

Lisbon hadn't been sure of anything until the night she'd shot Red John dead dog dead. The lunatic had managed to penetrate security at the CBI with weapons he shouldn't have and come after her late one night. She'd been wrapping up the paperwork on a case they'd just solved. At twenty nine weeks pregnant, she spent more time behind her desk than she did in the field since she was lethargic and cumbersome.

She'd heard a sound she didn't like in the darkness and drawn her gun. She'd fired her kill shot about the time Jane appeared at her door. The team had soon followed from where ever they'd disappeared. Everyone had immediately decided it wasn't the thing to do trying to sneak up on a jumpy pregnant cop in a place she was intimately familiar with. Lisbon had recognized those footfalls hadn't belonged to any member of her team and no one else should be in CBI after hours. Not when she knew everyone else was long gone.

The look on Jane's face as he stepped over his nemesis' fallen body without a downward glance told Lisbon everything she needed to know. She'd watched her team spring into action over Jane's shoulder as he engulfed her in his arms. She'd felt the wild trembling of his body and the tears against her skin as she'd hugged him back. It was her turn to comfort him again. She'd known she was the only thing holding him up for those first traumatic seconds.

Lisbon hadn't resisted when he'd eventually come to his senses and swept her out of the room leaving Cho in charge of dealing with the higher ups. They'd both known she couldn't leave the building until all the loose ends were wrapped up; but, they could go to the break room for a cup of tea and a moment of privacy.

That night had been the turning point in their lives. Lisbon had realized exactly what she meant to Jane and she'd no longer been afraid. She was never waking up to find that he was permanently gone. He would be by her side forever more even if he happened to take a few detours along the way and that was okay with her.

"Lisbon, once that first step was taken neither of us was letting go. Nothing that's happened in the last six months has ever been about Junior. It's always been about us even before Junior was made." Jane reminded her.

"Do not call our son Junior." Lisbon corrected him.

"Lisbon, it's going to get a little complicated around the house since you insisted on naming him Patrick against my will." Samuel Patrick Jane. There was no way in hell his son was going to be called Sam or Sammy and Samuel was too much of a mouthful for an infant, so Patrick he was.

"No, it's not. I've always been Lisbon, you've always been Jane. That's not going to change." Lisbon informed him.

"Not even after we're married? You'll be Mrs. Patrick Jane." A name she should be proud to wear.

"On paper and maybe to other people, yeah, I guess I will; but, to you and me I'll still be Lisbon and you'll still be Jane. We both know that's not going to change."

Jane knew she was right. He rarely called her Teresa even in the most intimate of moments. She rarely called him Patrick unless she was about to rip him a new one. He usually had to make her really, really mad. The rest of the time she was just Lisbon and he was Jane. They both liked it best that way.

"You may have a point there." Jane conceded.

"I do." Lisbon accepted his defeat.

"Then he's little Samuel Patrick Jane. I'll never call him Junior again." Jane promised.

"Thank you." She would see that he kept his word or nag him to death in the interim.

"But you will, Lisbon. Every time he does something wrong that reminds you of me. He's going to do that a lot. Mark my words." Jane foretold ominously.

"You don't know that." Lisbon rallied.

"Yeah, Lisbon, I do. He's going to have your coloring, but he'll take after me. Our daughter will take after you. You thought I didn't catch that didn't you?" Jane asked.

"Catch what?" Lisbon asked in a tone saying butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

"That you caught on to my plans earlier and made a few plans of your own. My dear, you're an open book." Jane informed her.

"Sneaky bastard." Lisbon pronounced.

"I guess I am." Jane agreed.

"But I love you anyway." And she did.

"I know you do, My Dear, I know you do. You'd never have put up with me otherwise. Don't think I don't know it or that I'm not grateful for it." He was a very grateful man.

"No, I wouldn't have." She'd have cut him loose long ago if she hadn't.

Lisbon had loved Jane far longer than she'd ever admit. Even to him. She suspected far longer than she'd been consciously aware of herself. She didn't have to wonder how long he'd loved her in return. It didn't really matter. The only important thing was he loved her now. Jane could see Lisbon was wilting fast. She could barely keep her eyes open though she was trying not to yawn.

"I love you, too, Lisbon; but, I'm not going to stay here watching you sleep. According to my wife-to-be that's just a little on the creepy side even for me. I think I'll go stare at my son for a while instead. I might even try my hand at charming that cute little blonde haired, blue-eyed nurse into letting me hold him for a while." Jane said.

"Do not flirt with the nurses, Jane. I might be a little off my game at the moment; but, I can still kick your butt and don't you forget it." She could kick that cute little blonde haired, blue-eyed nurse's butt too if it came to that, too. Jane was a family man now. It was time he started acting like one. No more charming the nurses and she meant it.

"I could never forget that, Lisbon. You won't let me. I give you my word, no flirting with the nurses. None of them are half as beautiful as you anyway." Jane said.

"Cut the crap, Jane, and get out of here. The sooner I get some rest, the quicker you can come back in." Lisbon groused.

"Good bye, Teresa. I'll check back with you in a little while." Jane promised.

"You do that." Despite her words to the contrary, Lisbon was reluctant to let him go.

"I will."

Jane kissed her on the lips as he drew the covers under her chin. He watched her drift off to sleep before leaving the room. They both knew he'd be seated by Lisbon's side before she opened her eyes again. Creepy or not, he loved to watch her sleep. It was one of his favorite past times next to watching squirrels of course.


	17. Chapter 17

Lisbon rounded the corner knowing exactly what she'd find. She wasn't disappointed. Jane sat in the middle of the oversized sandbox in a corner of their well manicured lawn digging in the dirt with his nearly three year old son and two year old daughter. No doubt their father had diverted them from the swing set to building castles in the sand as an act of self-preservation. Managing two boisterous little ones on a swing set could be taxing on a man their father's age. Jane would have a cow if she voiced that thought. It was better to just keep such opinions to herself.

Catching her husband's eye, Lisbon motioned for him to continue at play while she took a seat in one on the patio chairs. She wanted to drink in the sight of her husband and children at play for a few moments before she was engulfed in the sticky, grabby hands of her precociously precious tiny tornados. It was a vision she never grew tired of seeing. Unless they had an active case, Jane tended to leave early to pick up their offspring from daycare to indulge in a little private daddy bonding time. Lisbon followed a couple of hours later by which time daddy usually had the hyperactivity burned down to a mommy manageable level.

Gazing at her brood, daddy included, Lisbon thanked God for the life she never thought she'd have. Her brothers had given her hell for not only getting knocked up by the psychic freak she was always griping about, but marrying him as well. They'd had a field day when they'd received their invites to the wedding. It was weird enough that big sis was finally getting hitched at all much less to a man whose reputation preceded him.

Lisbon had married Jane eight weeks after their son was born in a small ceremony attended by a handful of their closest friends and family. She'd worn emerald green. The team had been there as well as Lisbon's brothers and their families. A few close friends like Minelli and Hightower had rounded out the guest list.

The small, intensely private affair was everything Lisbon had desired in her wedding. The reception that followed at their home had been a comfortably intimate affair shared by the people who mattered most in their lives. The champagne had flowed as freely as the laughter and the very bad jokes. The whole day had been a simple celebration of a love that should never be.

Seeing the calm contentment on their sister's face, Lisbon's brothers had readily accepted Jane into the fold. Surprisingly, he'd reciprocated without resistance. In a relatively short period of time they'd become as close as real brothers could be. Patrick Jane was the man as far as her brothers were concerned and he could do no wrong. Now Lisbon did everything in her power to keep her husband and brothers from communicating privately any more than strictly necessary. They were a bad influence on each other and she was usually their unwitting target.

A month into their marriage Lisbon had found herself pregnant with their daughter. The sneaky bastard had moved even faster than she'd planned. Katherine Arianne Jane was born twelve months almost to the day after they'd wed. She'd been in no hurry to exit her mother's womb. Before it was over, Lisbon had decided perhaps her son's impatience was better. The discomfort hadn't lasted nearly as long.

She'd also found herself less willing to contemplate repeating the experience than she'd been after Patrick's birth. Jane had wisely kept his mouth shut sensing her mood was decidedly different this second go around. True to her annoying husband's predictions, Patrick was a hyperactive whirlwind of little Jane energy while their daughter was a mini Lisbon right down to the painful whacking and practiced glare.

Gazing around their huge backyard, Lisbon marveled at the changes in her life. Jane had her looking at houses a week after they'd discovered they were pregnant again. They'd settled on this place within the month and Jane had finagled his way into taking up residence within two weeks. How he'd accomplished that feat she'd never know, and didn't want to. All that mattered was they had a lovely home in a safe neighborhood and a condo they'd quickly sold for a tidy profit. All in all, she had a comfortable life especially for a cop. All due to the conniving of an annoying mentalist she'd never meant to love.

Leaving his offspring still digging in the sand, Jane rose to his feet, dusted off his pants and walked the few feet to where his wife was also rising to her feet. Drawing her into his arms he dropped a light kiss on the top of her head. He waited patiently for her to tell him what he already knew. His Lisbon was always painfully slow in divulging her secrets. He couldn't help smiling into her hair.

"Get that poop eating grin off your face, you sneaky bastard. You know you've done it again." If looks could kill he'd be one dead man.

Jane wasn't surprised by the half-hearted thwack upside the head. Lisbon had made an effort to clean up both her verbal and sign language once Arianne had shown a not unexpected predisposition to mimic her mommy's every word and gesture. His daughter was especially fond of repeating words of the four letter variety with gusto in front of their guests then laughing herself silly at her parents' disapproving reaction. They'd not had such problems with their angelic son.

"How far along are you, my dear? I'd guess about six weeks." Jane decided to cut to the chase as Lisbon would dance a good while longer if he didn't.

"You know exactly how far along I am right down to the night you sneaky bastard." He probably knew right down to the nanosecond knowing Jane.

"Yeah, I guess I do." Jane agreed.

"You planned it." Lisbon accused.

"Yeah, I guess I did." Jane admitted.

"I ought to make you sleep in the guest room for the rest of your life." The look on Lisbon's face said she was considering it, too.

"Yeah, I guess you should; but, we both know you won't. Besides, we aren't going to have a guest room anymore." He'd have to convert that unfinished space over the garage into a guest suite in case her brothers made good on their threat to visit. Jane hoped they would. They were a hoot and they drove Lisbon absolutely insane.

"We still have a couch." Lisbon reminded him.

"That we do, my dear. That we do." Jane agreed though he obviously wasn't worried about a thing.

"You don't seem in the least penitent." Lisbon observed.

"I'm not. We both know the whole couch thing is an empty threat just as we both know you don't really mind about this little surprise." Jane's hands came to rest on her tummy. "You were starting to want another one any way."

"While that may be true, I'd have liked to have discussed the matter a while before you took things into your own hands." Lisbon reminded him.

"We did discuss matters." And would have continued discussing matters until the cows came home if he hadn't taken the whole thing out of her hands.

"Jane, you'd been plying me with cheap champagne all night. We both know the only thing we discussed was how fast we could get down to skin on skin." Lisbon had discovered long ago that getting pleasantly buzzed made the CBI Christmas party more tolerable. She hadn't thought twice about letting Jane help her along. She'd think twice about it now.

"It wasn't like we weren't discussing having another one anyway." Jane reminded her.

Lisbon had decided to stop taking the pill on her own a couple of months ago though she'd yet to fully commit to the idea. They'd yet to quite other methods of birth control except for the night in question of course. Jane had done a few calculations of his own and determined that was the best night to accomplish his intent both in terms of probably fertility and lowered inhibitions. If he was lucky, and he prayed he was, his wife would never figure out just how determined he'd been to have one last child before it was too late. She would kill him just as thoroughly as she'd killed Red John if she ever figured that truth out as she apparent had. His Lisbon was one smart woman. She always had been.

"Discussing was the operative word, Jane. We were discussing having another one. We were making the decision together. We had so not fully decided." Oh, they'd decided they were doing it, just not exactly when. Lisbon had been taking her own sweet time making up her mind on that point.

"To quote you, cut the crap, Teresa. You know you're happy we're having another kid. We'd already agreed to everything but the date we were going to start trying. We both know you'd already taken you little calendar out, done your calculations, and circled January 26. Get over yourself. I jumped your schedule by a few weeks." That was a tidbit she'd definitely never given him. He'd been subjecting her things to the Jane treatment again. The man was an unapologetic snoop. He was going to pay for that. She just wasn't exactly sure when.

"You get over yourself, Jane. You are so sleeping on the couch until after this kid is born. Then, if you're lucky, I might consider letting you resume your conjugal rights."

After she got one or both of them fixed, but her shifty smart butt husband didn't have to know that. Until then, she was already caught. She intended enjoying every fringe benefit of a raging libido and an obsessively attentive Jane. She knew exactly how to make him pay for his transgressions. She'd had lots of practice over the course of their relationship.

"Somehow I don't think so. We both know the couch is the last place I'm going to be for the foreseeable future. If you're going to play hardball, My Dear, you should have left your own poop eating grin at the door. You haven't stopped smiling since before you announced your big surprise." Jane kissed the end of her nose.

Looking over his shoulder Lisbon saw the signs of trouble brewing on the horizon. Heading for the sandbox, Lisbon dragged her wayward husband behind her. It would take both of them to head this little tantrum off at the pass.

"Uh-oh, Jane. Your son just smacked my daughter with his shovel. We're about to have World War III again." She groused.

"Our daughter just smashed our son's sand castle to smithereens. Ours, Lisbon, they're ours. We both had something to do with making them. Are you sure we're ready to throw another monkey into the barrel?" Jane questioned.

"Don't look at me. You made that decision for both of us." Lisbon grabbed her wailing daughter while Jane grabbed his belligerent son before the dreaded baby tussle from hell could even begin. They'd already been there and done that and had the bald spots to prove it.

"I might have acted hastily." Jane admitted.

"It's too late now. There's already another monkey in the barrel as you put it thanks to you. It's not like you can take it back now. That monkey is so not getting out of the barrel until he's good and ready and we both know it. You've got a few months to prepare for Armageddon. Use the time well." Lisbon couldn't help smirking as she buried her nose in her daughter's sweet smelling hair.

Jane was smiling at her over the top of their son's head. He couldn't imagine being any happier than he was at this moment. He had his son's head tucked under his chin, both of his girls beside him, and another monkey in the barrel just waiting to break free.

In spite of the banter, Lisbon and Jane were both quite happy with this latest news. Expanding their brood while they were still vigorous enough to enjoy them was something they'd both wanted. One more child would complete their family to a manageable size. Lisbon wanted another boy while Jane was hoping for another girl.

He was more than hoping. Lisbon would never know he had a sizeable sum to that affect in the betting pool at work. His little baby making machine was going to make him quite a wad of cash unless she found out about his extracurricular activities and shut the pool down first. He was doing everything in his power to see that didn't happen.

Gazing at his daughter in her mother's arms, Jane admitted as impossible as it seemed, Arianne was an adorable mix of the best of both parents complemented by her father's eyes and coloring. Though her hair might darken in time, at the moment she was their gilded child. As happy as he was with Ari, Jane wanted a mini Lisbon with dark hair and her mother's eyes this next time around. Lisbon just wanted another rough and tumble boy. Unbeknownst to them, they would both get their wishes.

Anthony Ryan and Eva Victoria Jane would enter the world a month early not totally without expectation. They'd not been known for their patience within the womb. Why should their entrance into the world be any different? They'd both definitely taken after their older brother in that respect.

Their mother had experienced almost every annoying symptom known to woman at some point and their father had suffered accordingly with amazing grace and patience. A lesser man might have snapped under the strain. It was a good thing he still considered himself the luckiest man alive or the outcome of dealing with a doubly hormonal Lisbon might have been tragic. For which one of them was still hard to say.

While the twin's arrival might not have been unexpected, their existence certainly was. If Jane thought he'd been whacked the evening he'd learned Lisbon was pregnant again, it was nothing like the whack he got over learning there were two of them. Jane's sojourn on the couch coincided with the nearly three weeks it took his wife to come to terms with this latest discovery. She had not been happy to learn her accommodation for one would be rapidly expanding to accommodate two.

She'd eventually decided, somewhat belatedly, this blessed event really would be okay in the long run. Somehow they could survive not three, but four, hyperactive brilliant little Janes running hither and thither throughout their home wreaking little Jane havoc. She was positive they could. But, she was so not going to be the parent going insane while all of this was going on. She'd make sure their daddy was. That both of them even existed was his fault. Not that their mommy was complaining.

As for the daddy, while undeniably shocked by the revelation he was getting a two for one special he'd not seen coming, Jane couldn't have been more thrilled. He'd been given a second chance by that greater power he didn't fully believe in; but, was starting to think might possibly exist. On second thought, he was sure He did exist and definitely had a sense of humor. There wouldn't be four little Janes under the age of four running them ragged otherwise. All things considered, Jane wasn't about to waste a precious second on empty regrets.

If you'd asked him ten years ago if he'd ever live again, he'd have said no. He had no right to live when they were dead. If you'd asked the same question six years ago, he'd have said it was possible for a man to contemplate exiting Lodebar if given a compelling reason. If you'd asked that question three years ago, he'd have said he was learning it was possible to live again. If you'd asked him a year ago he'd have said sometimes there were still moments of darkness in the light. If you were to ask him, today he'd say he wasn't the man he used to be. He was far wiser in one very important way. He knew when it was time to just step back, count his blessings, and keep on living. Life was too short to keep looking back.


End file.
